Am Blind, But can See!

Date: 24^th May, 2006 Time: afternoon Venue: an Eye Clinic, Wadala

I leave office early today. My son is undergoing an operation. It’s a planned surgery. I have been getting regular updates through the morning by sms ( short messaging service) and on my cellular phone. As I settle down in the car, I glance thorough some of the unread updates, feel anxious still-so call up my wife too. I  hear that the operation has gone off well, the doctors are happy, my son is now slightly groggy, but otherwise fine. I sigh in relief, anxious to be with him soon. Fantastic! this cellular business, I think, you are always connected. What a wonder.

Somebody, shows me to the waiting room – a nice clean and quiet place. The air-conditioning is working quite fine and the room is tastefully done up. A nice picture hangs on one wall. The blinds are drawn, to prevent the sun glare from coming in. Comfortable and several plush sofas make you feel instantly settled down. A TV is running the news, while a ticker runs an update on stock prices. I have noticed the sensex is now in four digits.What’s happening to the markets, cannot people see what was coming was inevitable – were they blind?

I chat with my son for a while. He smiles weakly, then wonders why I ‘bunked’ office to come and see him, but I know he is glad to see me. He complains that he is hungry, that the doctor has still not allowed him to eat or drink yet. And he is hungry! He groans but then when he sees the look on my face, he stops himself. And he tries to look brave. We remind him we are both hungry too like him we too have skipped breakfast. He asks us to have a bite. I joke with him, that we are extending him moral support, by staying hungry with him, till he breaks his fast. I remind him of an ongoing student’s agitation – of many who have bravely gone on a hunger strike. Imagine their plight, I said. Gosh, hunger is painful, I think to myself. I wish they allow him some water to drink soon. And I know he would feel so much better once he eats something. We enquire, can we? No! Not yet. No drink or Food. We sit back impatiently – for the doctor to revert!

I sit back and glance through the room more carefully. I notice a lady in her late fifties talking animatedly to a younger lady in her thirties, the latter is wearing dark glasses. Within seconds I figure she is blind, her head almost fixed to one place as she spoke, characteristic of the someone who is blind, not temporally visually impaired. Like a perfect mother and daughter set! Interestingly, I did not notice a patronising conversation, one being more gentle to the other, the other submissive as a recipient). Instead they spoke casually, as equals. They took each other as adults and acted with complete authenticity.How nice, I thought. They seem to get on so famously well. She must be also waiting to go in for an operation of sorts, I thought.

I hear from my wife that they are here, on account of their daughter – the little one was diagnosed as having cancer in the eye! I stuck up a conversation with the ladies. The baby girl was being operated today – her right eye was to be replaced with an artificial one.Gosh! A blind mother, and a daughter whose one eye is visually impaired. Talk of rotten luck!  My thoughts were interrupted with my wife saying how cute the three year old looked. She commented on how brave she acted prior to going in for the operation.

Mother and daughter looked very calm and composed. Often they smiled, joked and broke out in gentle laughter. What a lovely relationship, these two enjoy, I thought.

The door opens gently again. In slow movements a pair of men entered the room. An elderly person and a younger man enter. The two ladies look up in silent acknowledgement. Ironically, the elderly person was guiding the younger person to a vacant sofa – then it all flashed in a second! The younger guy was blind too! And he was the father of the girl being operated. They were all here together. His parents, his blind wife and a partially blind daughter. And his parents. The sadness of it all gripped me.

The younger married couple spoke for a while to each other; first seriously. Then they laughed playfully with each other. Both listened patiently to each other as they spoke. Hmm, they were listening intently as if their eyes were doing all the seeing! In perfect harmony they spoke; not once did I notice they interrupt each other. I could feel the two of them closely touching each other, even while they were inches apart.

Suddenly the man straightened up. And he spoke aloud – “How is Sigmund doing?”. My son replied weekly. And then said, to him ,“My dad is here too, he just came a while ago”.

I said Hello loudly and I caught myself shouting. Stupid, I said to myself, he is blind not deaf. “I hear your daughter is being operated now?” Yes, he says, she will soon be going to school. We thought we should have her bad eye replaced with an artificial eye, so that student’s do not poke fun at her at school. And I am thinking – if not being born a girl is itself  bad enough with a large section of the community, a blind girl itself must be a catastrophe. How unfair it must be!

Was this operation necessary – a cosmetic necessity, because other children may poke fun? Should we not be training our children to be more sensitive, rather than the victim go through more ordeal for readjustment? Perhaps a bad eye may frighten other children; this must probably be best. The family must have thought through this surely.

We talked for quite a while. On hereditary factors- was blindness hereditary? Cancer of the eye is.

The husband spoke reasonable English, and seemed very aware of most things. The news, current affairs, local politics. I began to warm up to him as we spoke.

Suddenly, his cellphone rang. He stood up and walked over to me (his parents had both left the room a while back). What’s the number calling? He asked me. I read aloud the number, and he took the call. I dashed off an sms to my boss – why not work with some vendor to develop a Braille handset – what a wonderful thing it would be for the blind. I felt good with myself, then I admonished myself. Surely, they have far more complications to manage than a Caller Line Identification (CLI issue, as we cellular operators would call it in jargon). I waited for him to finish his call.

May I ask you a question if you don’t mind? I paused. What would you say is the most difficult part of being blind ? Is it navigating traffic, I suggested helpfully. He thought and so did his wife. They both considered the question for a while. Yes, I guess mobility is an issue he conceded. In cities like Mumbai, people are more helpful and guide you by hand across traffic, buy not so in smaller towns. We talked about this for a while.

I hear that those who are blind have their other senses even more sharpened, I asked. I knew the answer already. We see with our ears, the wife replied. You guys use your eyes 80%, your ears 20%.. Hmm, that’s true, I thought. I shut my eyes for a moment, knowing they could not see me doing so. I noticed I was staring at them quite intently, something I would not normally have done, if they were sighted. It appears I can see more, yet I suspect this pair understands more, I thought.

What work do you do I asked. I am a psycho-therapist he says. I enquire about his wife. He tells me she is a school teacher. I tell him, mine is too. She tells me she teaches in the primary section. I think, how compatible they are as a couple ,working too and it seem they were doing quite well! I felt good.

That’s good to hear, I said heartily. He said ‘You are excited on hearing about my work, many people do not care. They think blind people are useless. They cannot work and are a burden to society. That’s far from truth. The wife quickly joined in, “ people normally think, we should sit in one place, do nothing! That we are useless. Husband now joins in vociferously “ We are blind, that’s all’ But we have all other senses. We can speak intelligently and we can hear and we can do things and lead a perfectly normal life than anybody else can. It is unfair and wrong to believe that we are disadvantaged and we do not belong to the mainstream. We are just as normal as any body else, we are only blind.

‘You appear educated’, he continues and you seem to understand’. Do share the message, that blind people are not ‘ abnormal’. They are capable of doing most things that other people can do, even better! Share this with others, this is all I ask. Help eradicate the perception.

Does one voice count? Can I drown out and rectify walls of perception built over several years? Does my experience matter? Does this one conversation count?

That I have been impacted, would it be enough ?Joan Baes voice floats around-“I once was lost, but now am found; was blind but now can see. Tis’ grace that brought me home thus far, and grace shall take me home’.

I feel better for writing this up and sharing it with you my friend. I carry a candle lit, and offer it to you. It’s up to you – to light up yours, or let it pass. Someday, the world will be a better place, and you and I will be one, sings Lennon hopefully. Hum Honge Kamyab, Hum honge kamyab, ek din! Poora hai vishwas!

We are a patient nation! We wait patiently! And the song substitutes the grief, for now.

Culture is not a given, it is what is created

Culture is not a given, it is what is created

Yes, it is possible to create the culture you want!

To begin with, you start with the Vision you have for the organization: is it truly inspiring! Is it larger than what is currently thought possible? Does it grab your attention, stir up your emotion, makes you want to act? Most of all, does it feel intuitively right?

Next, are your Organizational Values promoting the behaviour towards the Vision? Does it act as a beacon guiding actions  which are exemplary towards the fulfilment of the vision? Our values come from our life experiences, and shapes the DNA on how we ‘act and feel’ about things around us.

To this, the next missing piece is the Strategy, with which we hope to compete in the market place. It shapes our performance ambition: our appetite for growth and sustainability.

Once you are clear on all of the above, then it is critical to get alignment to these on all systems and work processes that are present in the organisation, and would include:

• Management Review and Decision making Processes
• Talent Agenda and priorities process in place
• Work systems that allow for approvals and flow of goods and services
• Rewards and recognition Process
• Performance Management Systems
• External and Internal Communication Process
• Internal engagement processes. 

 Too often much work is done on the bullet points on a standalone basis. While benchmarking and best in class practices are useful to gain insights, it is more relevant to create designs that are bespoke for purpose within. It is only when there is deep consonance and alignment, that the appropriate winning culture is enabled. 

The role of senior leadership is to allow for challenge within the organisation and to be able to uphold the values, despite adversity. How it acts, each moment, will either reinforce or rubbish. There is no substitute to 'walk the talk'.  

                                                          

Executive Coaching

Coaching is a process of moving a client forward

I would like to start with a metaphor:

You can sit on a horse and lead it to your destination, or 
you can nudge it with your legs, gently providing a steer. 
At the level of mastery, you make the absolute choice that the horse knows where it wants to go.

The process by which the coach uses appropriate listening and questioning skills to work with the participant (coachee) to enable them to review and ultimately own solutions to issues upon which they seek resolution.

However, for the coach to remain ‘connected’ they will need:

• a model or approach that enables them to guide the coaching process; and

• the experience and competence to flex their approach in the light of their participant’s needs.

The essence of the coaching process is to build a trusting relationship. To begin with, confidentiality must be assured and rapport established. Primary focus on Who, rather than What and How.

In summary there are two phases:

i. Establish the Contract with Goal Clarification
ii. Enable the Coaching Process - Explore deeply

Begin with,

i. Goal Clarification - spend time here ( most critical part)

“What would you like to get out of this session?” Or “what is the outcome you want to achieve?”. This moves away from discussing problems or issues but helps the client focus on an outcome: a solution.

Next ask: “ How important is this outcome for you?”. “what would change for you if you achieved this outcome?”.

Then follow through with, “ How much of the outcome is under your control?” or Whats preventing you from reaching your outcomes?

Following these initial questions, get even more specific, “ How would you know by the end of this 20 minute session, that you have reached the outcome you want?”.

Spend as much time on this segment, and ensure you completely agree what is the agreed outcomes, the client is seeking. These questions are quite broad and thats fine ( like a double hour glass).

Then, acknowledge the client, and move to the second phase: Current reality

Exploration: ( Focus on Who)

Begin with, “What are the questions we must examine that will help us explore and move us forward towards our goal?”

Goal clarification itself establishes where the client wants to explore in the session, what are the outcomes desired, etc. Spend 15-20 minutes on this section itself. Stay authentic to this contract, don't substitute this with your own. Become aware of your being true to the contract at all times. 

ii. Explore Deeply, but let client lead, follow and dance with client

Here you are exploring what needs to happen within the client itself to make the transformation.Not what he does and how, but the WHO of the client that needs to shift. What is currently blocking the client to secure his goals.

Few questions you may wish to use at this stage

• What is the one thing, he needs to do, that he is not doing?
• What is the one thing, he knows he needs to stop doing?
• What are you learning from your own exploration?
• What more can be done with this awareness?
• In order to reach this outcome, what could you do?
• Are all the actions within your control? Who can help you? Can i support?

Throughout the conversation keep in mind the following:

            In the coaching conversation assess for energy, values, beliefs - the oughts and musts as sought            by client, challenging variation of what is being sought with what is. 

•  Listen to what is being said, also said, and that which is unsaid. Avoid paraphrasing. Establish Connect with Client

• ·      Pause before you ask the next question: Use silence. The client may want to say something more. Build on the silence if you need to.
• ·      Stay watchful to ‘emotive’ words the client uses and follow through on deeper exploration of the feelings behind those emotive words. Use client language not yours.
• ·      Avoid any statements, or preamble. Use short questions. Questions should be evocative. Ask one question at a time: avoid stacking.
• ·      Focus on WHO, stay away from WHAT and HOW (the last two would me mechanical).
• ·      Leave the past alone: stay always into moving the conversation into the future.
• ·      Reflect the body language or energy back to the client, and explore with curiosity.
• ·      Keep tracking continuously: where is the conversation heading with respect to the session outcome?
• ·      Ask questions about the Client, not about the Issue he raises.
• ·      Try always to move the Client Forward, not the coaching forward.
• ·      Celebrate with the client always
• ·      Bring lightness to the conversation: be sincere not serious.
• ·      Take risks: be prepare to challenge contradictions when you observe it
• ·      At all points, enable the client to hold the steering wheel. Work in partnership.

• 
  
• 
  
• To  move the client forward, is to enable client to build awareness. Awareness bring clarity. Then the What and How unfolds itself.
• 
  
• Follow through with asking Client whats coming up for him by way of next steps, what would he commit to doing next.
• 
  
• End the session, with checking to what extent the session goals have been achieved. What insights derived in this session could be leveraged on other parts of his life.
• 
  
• Offer support to client, and check if he is happy to wind down the session.
• Then wind down and thank the client.

Few tips:

Avoid stacked questions (several questions in one question)
Use the Client's language
Follow through with the 'here and now' feeling ( stay with the Who at all times)
Avoid Leading questions, focus on exploration of feelings
Avoid focussing on outcomes, stay with where Client is.
Ensure the questions is powerfully worded and well constructed, is short and impactful 
Acknowledge the client continually and offer presence. Do not praise. 
Avoid Paraphrasing, confirm 'feelings' though at each stage
Partner with the Client to explore: he would best best where to explore
Leverage the 'inner light' of the client at all times
80:20 rule (client to do the bulk of talking)
Stay with where client is, don't try and move ahead of him
Allow the client to summarise regularly, don't do it yourself.
Avoid fillers.

For the more technical details around process here are the steps from a competency perspective:

Competency 1: Meeting Ethical Guidelines and ethical standards

·      Greet with warmth, establish rapport.

·      Share confidentiality

·      Amount of time for session

Competency 2: Establishing the Coaching Agreement

·      Establish the success measures, “what outcomes would you wish for this session.

·      Nail the outcome(s) SMARTly

·      Avoid calling it ‘problem, issue, challenge’, instead say, ‘there is a lot there’

·      Keep in mind the big goal and the session goal.

Competency 3: Establishing trust and intimacy with the client

·      Match pace, tone and Non verbals

·       

Competency 4: Coaching Presence

·      Go into the coaching conversation ‘without knowing’; stay curious

·      If clients language includes ‘should’ – it is a watch out: is it coming from outside. Explore this.

·      Put your intuition out there without attachment: offer your hypothesis. If client picks it, work with it, else let it pass.

Competency 5: Active Listening

·      80:20 rule: always!

·      Hear it, see it, sense it.

Competency 6: Powerful Questioning

·      Don’t drive, flow with the client.

·      Don’t use compound questions, avoid ‘stack ups’: trust your questions, make them work for you.

·      Focus on the WHO

·      A question should be evocative, example: “who do you need to be, to do this?” and timed! Boom.

·      “what do you need to be to be disciplined?”

·      Avoid ‘leading’ questions.

·      Don’t pick: listen to what is being said, especially the emotion: pick the one ‘on the spot’ and proceed.

·      Whenever a client asks a question reverse it. Example: ‘Really, how do you think we could find out” or ‘what do you think”.

·      Sharpen your questions: drop the preamble and the weasel.

·      Seek permission, before entering into sensitive areas.

·      To, “I don’t know, ask, “how would you know?”

·      To, “I am not able, ask “how would you get able?’.

·      To, I am not productive, ask, If you were productive what would that mean?

Competency 7: Direct Communication

·      Flex to clients style

·      Match your client’s formality or informality

·      Ask/Check-in: Are we progressing?

Competency 8: Creating Awareness

·      Raise the awareness even higher, shift client forward.

Competency 9: Designing Actions

Competency 10: Planning and Goal Setting

·      Wrap it up aligned to competency 2

Competency 11: Managing Progress and Accountability

In the video below is a a few questions you can use to help client gain powerful insights.