Saturday 29 October 2016

Emotional Agility

Emotional Agility.

In essence, we are at every moment handling emotions, both in ourselves and in others which are often negative at times. So how does one think about this?

Self Management

We often feel that given the circumstances and facts as we see it we have every right to feel 'hurt, bitter, indignant, angry, sad disgusted. That is so. Fact is that emotions are natural and we would feel what we do feel, and recognising this is critical.

However, rather than say, "I am angry, and mix self and anger together, an alternate would be to articulate this as, "I experience anger as an emotion right now on this issue". This allows the emotion and the self to be seperate. Then one can witness what one is feeling in an objective way. Often the anger and its intensity is so strong that it tends to overwhelm and take over. In moments like this what psychologist call the 'amygdala high jack, one is not able to even view oneself objectively.

The emotion needs to be honoured. It exists and should be graced. Allowing oneself to be aware of one's emotion is critical.

The next phase is to ask oneself. What is the appropriate response to My emotions? Am I seething, steaming, screaming, acting up with self or with others. Is the response the best way to handle the situation. Is there a need to work with the problem or to steer away and ask, "what is the outcome I would like now?"  Engaging in a conversation around what would it take to solve this is more energising than focussing on ' I did this  and you did that' etc. That would be just be going around in Circles. 
Rather than being argumentative one should move to proposals and in turn considering counter proposals. It is this bargaining around proposals that allow for a negotiated space. 

Management of others.

In converse we see negative emotions expressed by others.
Rather than negating the others emotion, begin by accepting it. Say, "I can understand you react the way you did. Question is could they have been a more effective response. And what is the outcome you wish. Is your current response getting you to the outcome you seek? What are the options you can deploy?

Often we rush in with our choices, not their. Imagine a child who returns from the playground complaining that others did not want to play with her. What should you do? You could jump in and say. 'Come let's play'. But is that what is wanted. Rather ask, 'what would help you at this moment- being left alone, take a walk or if you like my playing with you. Offer choice always. Do not assume. Often, we are so saddened with our child having a poor experience that we rush in with 'our best response'. Instead ask the child, what is it that he needs now: that is sensitivity. 

Emotional intelligence is ultimately the intelligent use of one's emotion for self and in interfacing with others. 

Thursday 20 October 2016

Personal reflections on being an Entrepreneur

Personal reflections on being an Entrepreneur

For about two years and a half, I worked as an Independent Consultant and sharing a few reflections I have.

Always keep abreast of trends and Industry
Read, subscribe to google alerts – stay informed
Network, Network wider, and Network even more
Call, write, Socially network – stay visible
Do pro bono work (at least 20 percent of time is fine)
A lot of work came my way as a result
Supports widening of network
Live the Brand
Being a consultant is ‘personal branding’ – you are always on camera. Act the part.
Keep away from losers – empathize, but disengage
They sap energy
Be where the action is
Also from those who envy you
Stay positive at all times, let go off bitterness. Harbor no resentment.
Akin to you drinking the poison and waiting for the other to die.
Build relationships, Business will follow
Either with prospective client or referral
Be alive to the other – stay curious and interested.
Practice being ‘nice’ and helpful
Give away things when asked, nothing is worth hoarding
Videos, Handouts, articles
The more you give the more you get back
Expect disappointments, setbacks, even losing one’s self esteem. Be aware of your ego and transcend.
Pain is your stimuli: your very choice
Your thoughts are YOU. Change that and you change the map
Answer the questioner, not the question itself.

Be aware of what you Project outside – its your subjective reality. Review transference and counter transference – reflect in every moment.
Celebrate small and big wins with family
Milestones are more important than destination
Stay Spiritual – your greater self seeks to fulfill personal purpose. Stay meditative, pray full, grateful. Discover your inner abundance.
Clients usually explain in ‘problem statements’ then invariably offer solutions
Listen to the phenomena, don’t get mired in the vocabulary, stay focused and design for ‘root cause’ not symptom
Respect clients space at all times
Move with ‘client pace’
When client is ready, Consultancy opportunities appear
Success is not the measure: it is about doing the best. Be better today than you were yesterday.
Stay away from Search firms – mostly they disappear in thin air
Clarify your values: it is like a flower bees zoom in to.
Be differentiated at all times – the 1% You is the 100 percent difference. 99% - is same or similar in any case.
Cultivate Patience, Humility and compassion – easier said than done ☺ you don’t build patience, you become patient over time, as perspective widens.
Every one has a unique Business Model that works – discover yours.
Three questions that intrigued me when I started
Who/What am I?
What can I do and for whom?
Why buy me?
There is no ‘brief’, you have to create yours.
I discovered to grow taller, one has to sink roots deeper
Every conversation is a treasure – goldmine. Say Thanks.
On charging fees – look in the mirror and state an amount. If you can look yourself in the eye, it is fine. Your fees is your self value. Don’t discount, say you will give more of yourself in your work. Negotiate hard, over deliver on quality.
Life Life Kingsize – make everything Big!
Differentiate between hunger and appetite – one satisfies the other is insatiable.



Saturday 15 October 2016

Oddity of HR

The oddity of HR

Having spent over 30 years in the field of HR, I have often reflected on the function itself.

Unlike most functions, HR does not have a unified coded theory that allows guidance to what one needs to do when influencing and impacting people. Well, it does have a set of rules around compensation benchmarking , and principles around OD designs and learning interventions, but at broad principle levels only. Not that I am saying, this is a setback. Not at all. It is for this reason that it is fascinating. 

Fact is that if you read, 7-8 chapters of any book, the subsequent chapters become easier. In HR, it gets even more complex. More astounding, even bewildering.  In behavioral science as you go deeper, newer insights emerge. I am amused when some amateur Leader remarks, “people are simple: either this or that, or to be seen, by this X axis and that Y axis, as if one or other quadrant make up the entire world. Even worriedly, when someone says, ‘I am an ENTJ (MBTI Type) and he is and ISFP, etc. Interestingly, some even use MBTI as a basis to hire people, the ultimate abomination of ignorance.

Models are akin to maps. The maps can be a mere sketch or highly detailed, and as you go deeper, the embellishment is awesome in what unfolds, as if every texture, tone, dimension and element unfold to the keen eye. Almost like Dhyan (full concentration) and Dharana (contemplation) when they come together provides for a wider perspective. In a highly structured analytical world, demand is placed on causality: do this, and the expected phenomena is observed. Every effect has a cause. Not so with human beings, who do not respond to causality.

Human behavior is a function F (I, C), where Behaviour is a function of the identity (self) in the Location. Self evolves to identity (persona) while location offers normativeness around role taking, prescribed by self or by community.
As a result no two individuals feel alike, think or act alike. Yet, at the gestalt of all evocations, one sees an array of similar emotions: love, disgust, joy, but the tone, notes, and context, and intensity varies.

For example, a woman who discovers her husband is having an affair may not necessarily respond with the expected “ feeling betrayed”, and a large segment would obviously do. A plethora of possible responses exist:

1.     Good for him, off my back.
2.     I’ll do the same and get my revenge
3.     That poor thing ( referring to the new girl friend)
4.     I could not care. I like the comfort I am in, so its cool
5.     And so on….

The point is, there is no causality: were it so, it would be a science. It would be predictable, made repeatable and lend itself to correlates of validity and reliability quantification.

Another interesting dimension of the world of HR is that learning happens when the events happen: there is no prefix or suffix. The prefix or preface does not accurately reflect the phenomena ahead, nor can the suffix, be the real experience of the event. At best it would be a ‘remembered memory’ not the ‘experienced memory’. Daniel Kahneman, writes quite a bit on this for those interested. All we can recall is the remembered memeory, and not the actual experience itself.

Learning takes place within the gestalt of the phenomena. The micro, macro and alter ego looms largely and ever present, exorcising its will over the event. This is the psychodrama, often exaggerated by the ‘shadow’ for the protagonist.

At a phenomological level multiple substratum’s emerge: initial defined as a problem, seen at the interpersonal level, then reflectively, emerges the intrapersonal level of self introjects, introjections , splits and projection, of transference and counter transference.

At a intra psychic level, one comes to gain insight of one’s own perceptual filters, and sees the canvas in quite a different way: the observed is the observer himself. Else, there is no observation.

Even deeper is the intra existential level, the athmic self ; the Brahmi Sthithi, the true intelligence of the self that sees beyond the absorptive nature of the senses, that is beyond attachment, desire, anger, bewilderment and ignorance and wherein misery awakens. (refer Bhagwad Gita for more on this).

No two individuals are alike: there is no comparison possible: no better or worse. Each is unique, so how do you compare two unique things – on what parameters? The choice of the criterias itself is subjective bias: that is the fallacy. Yet we are always comparing, contrasting, role modeling, aligning with….


No wonder Socrates said, ALL I KNOW IS THAT I KNOW NOTHING.

Tuesday 11 October 2016

Few of my favourite things.... reunions

few of my favourite things.... meeting old friends. 

Am sure we all have had occasions to meet with someone from our past. Someone from school, or from our childhood neighbourhood. Someone, with whom we lost touch, occasionally just heard about. 

Enabled by facebook these past years have provided me with an opportunity to reacquaint myself with old friends. 

Honestly, my experiences have been mixed. At some level, re engaging once again, confirmed to me, why I never kept touch. Perhaps a part of me was happy to let that relationship drift, even if meant to oblivion. What was it about that person then, that kept me at some distance, crystallised for me, several decades later. Almost like, 'been there, done that, now past that'. Time to move on. 

Yet,I have seen changes in attitudes. Someone who appeared once boisterous and boastful, now came across more amenable, perhaps influenced by life experiences that influenced both in between. 

I remember a 30 year old reunion event a few years ago. It was as if I was in a  'movie I had been before'. Then in a sudden moment of epiphany, I realised the gestalt of my being at campus: my propensity to act or not to act in a particular way. 

We never really change, we just evolve one personality covering another, all persona exists within us, waiting to be peeled, reminding me that the core of our being, is ever present. For some of us, we learn to cope with life's vissicitudes, but ever so often we get mortgaged to our past, with memories that traumatise, yet those experiences have made us even more insightful and better enabled to cope with situations that we face further in our lives. 

For many of us, we learn to 'live with' embracing those experiences as being our very own, carrying it with responsibility, not shrugging off, but being thankful, for that which was, and for that which helped us bring us to this path we now find ourselves in. 

Re unions are one my special things I treasure. Like finding a long lost 'treasure' in one's attic. It reminds you of lovely memories , made even more fonder with passage of time. All the ordinariness of it, gets edited and what is remembered is pure joy. 

The trepidation of youth, and the anxiety once held, of a future uncertain now lies behind. It like you have come to a better end of the movie and you can savour in catching up with the scenes missing, and fill in the gaps. 

You realise that life is not just what happened 'outside of you' but more importantly what happened within. Wiser now, more self assured, but with a touch of quiet pain, of sagacity born from an anvil of adversity and striving. 

Then the re union is one of deep connection, with a relatedness that is deep. There is always a measure of love in every relationship: those that fade, and the ones that grow. Both with friends and with foe: love exists even if with a meagre spec. 

And this loves surfaces, even when catching up with a failed relationship: of that which was possible. A potentiality that never occurred. That is the regret. Often that is the pain.  

As the years roll by, you realise life has been like the river: youthful at first, then more measured, then even more poised and sanguine with time. One has been in many waters, amongst many rocks, swirling areas and witnessed many banks. Often drifting round and round, the rushed and moved headlessly forward, then slowing ambling lazily with the sun overhead, moments caught with torrents, the cacaphony of thunder and zagged streaks of lighting: we seemed to have seen it all. 

And when I think this, I recall with a lump in my throat, the song sung by Frank Sinatra, I made it my way'. I made it my way. I made it my way. 

Sunday 2 October 2016


Look at the picture for a full minute!

Now how would you describe what is happening in the picture?

A motive is an ongoing need, want or concern at an unconscious level. It predisposes one to perceive and think about people in a predictable way. These motivates drive us towards our goals, which in turn orders our behaviour: across meaning making, role taking, choice making and actions taking.

Need theory, also known as Three Needs Theory, proposed by psychologist DavidMcClelland, is a motivational model that attempts to explain how the needs for achievement, power, and affiliation affect the actions of people from a managerial context.

As you describe the people in the sail boat the interpretition you provide is a projection of your own motives. The observed is the observor said Jiddu Krishnamorthy. Someone may call out friendship and relationship (need for affiliation), while another may talk about directing the crew in a competeitive race (need for power) while a third person may descrive the picture as a new sail boat with improved technology being tested ( need for achievement). The filters we bring in viewing a picture is what is important. In NLP, the map is not the territory but the experienced reality is that of the map being the territory itself. Using this objective coding system, by two assessors, the Three Needs Theory was developed.

What is your unconscious motive? Ever wonder what drives you?


Insights from Neuro for consumer marketing


What can’t speak, cannot lie.

In conventional research people tell researchers what they want to hear. We are after all social creatures. Neuro offers insight into the unconscious working of the brain and how choices are made. Especially the value that comes from Brands, Store displays, etc. Our brains are hardwired for reward or pain, and understanding the pleasure centre can help marketers promote their products.

1.     fMRI and PET scanning allows for scanning of the brain. It is a tell tale method of the brain of a consumer while making a choice. It consumes oxygen from the blood at certain regions which gets picked up on the scanner, and by contrasting with dissimilar images it can show which part of the brain gets activated.

2.     The Response to a Product, the Price and making a purchase Choice are located at different regions of the brain.

The infamous “Pepsi vs. Coca-Cola” experiment, in which scientists studied the motivation behind brand preferences, was what first put early neuromarketing in the spotlight.
The researchers observed that although Pepsi and Coke are essentially identical, people often favor one over the other. They subsequently sought to investigate how cultural
messages work to guide our perception of products as simple as everyday beverages.
The experiment was simple: there were two taste tests—one blind and one in which subjects knew which beverage was which—and the researchers observed the corresponding
brain activity. When volunteers were unaware of which brand they were drinking, the fMRI showed activation in the ventromedial prefrontal cortex, a basic “reward center,”when they drank Pepsi. However, when the subjects knew which soda was which, the scans showed brain activity in the hippocampus, midbrain, and dorsolateral prefrontal cortex (which are centers for memory and emotion), in favor of Coke. So essentially, people actually liked the taste of Pepsi,but they were more inclined to believe that they preferred Coke, based off of nostalgia  and emotional connections. From these results, the researchers determined that “a preference for Coke is more influenced by the brand image than by the taste itself”.

3.     Eye movement studied of a consumer in a store, is influenced by earlier triggers like advertisements.

4.     A risk inviting a choice, is influenced by the Positive or Negative tone of the message (example – a new experimental surgery has a 25% success rate, versus it fails 75% of times).

5.     The choice one makes is evident prior to expressing the choice: the unconscious choice is first made and the it becomes conscious.

The researchers, from the Max Planck Institute in Leipzig, told participants in the study that they could freely decide if they wanted to press a button with their left or right handscan whenever they wanted, but they had to remember at which time they felt they had made up their mind. They found that it was possible to predict from their brain signals which option they would choose seven seconds before they consciously made their decision.

The study of neuro marketing is presents ethical issues: when understanding it, it can be the force of good, yet it can be subversive  to gain ‘control’, aka quite similar to the debate around the study of genome.

Imagine you see Angelina biting on an apple, with the juice flowing across her lips. Then up comes the apple macbook: bingo!  For years, consumers have been manipulated and the trajectory began I guess with the discovery of Freud, that man has repressed desires