Saturday 24 September 2016

Being more ordinary makes you special!

What’s behind great acts of bravery?

You hear of some heroic deeds ever so often of some brave person who at personal costs to their own lives, dived into the sea to save someone, or run across a busy highway to help someone in an emergency. 

Ever wonder, what really inspires such people. Do they have special qualities. Something in their nature or how they have been nurtured?

Truth is, all such people when interviewed, did not consider their acts out of ordinary: they did not believe they were doing anything special or extra-ordinary. Nor did they think they were special in any way, different breed from many others. Turns out they saw themselves as just an ‘ordinary person’ no different from any other, nor did they think, their act was something, someone else would not do, under the circumstances. When asked they believed that it was just the right thing to do, that seemed the only choice as opposed to just watching, or moving by. Almost as if configured in them, was choicelessness: see emergency, respond. Not to Think, just Act. 

True intelligence comes from choicelessness. The phenomena presents but only one choice: responsiveness and to act, without thought about self. As of the firing of mirror neurons is, but automatic, instinctive, natural and spontaneous. 

Question that arises is how can we possibly just be responsive to situations all the time: not just act in an emergency but act at all times, in complete integrity to that which unfolds before us. If as Leo Tolstoy in one of his stories confirms: the most important thing to do, is always what you are doing now, and Who you are with is the most important person, and when to do the most important thing is right now. This requires working from awareness, from naturalness, from all that is within us, connected with existence, seeing me and the other, one and the same in the larger game of life. What else is beautiful earth when viewed from space: no boundaries, no nations, absolutely no division. That exists only in the mind!

Then self is oblivated to the other, the task seems just ordinary. To be extraordinary one just has to keep in mind to add the extra to ORDINARY!





Saturday 17 September 2016

Emotions - deep dive

What lies behind the emotional conversation?

Emotions at the taxonomy level is primarily eight:


  • ·      Happy
  • ·      Sad
  • ·      Fearful
  • ·      Surprised
  • ·      Angry
  • ·      Disgusted
  • ·      Awed
  • ·      Hatred

At an extension level, there are combined: Angrily surprised, Sadly surprised, Fearfully surprised etc, which are another 144 variations. Much of this gets captured and expressed facially and is explained in the facial Action Coding System.


Emotions to me is the debris, that lies at the intersect of Body and Mind, when disbalance takes place. Rather than call it disbalance it is the differential of two states that are not in equilibrium. So too is energy. Energy is caused only through a differential current, between two opposing points, else it would be in total zone of potentiality. The kinetics of energy is this primary action.

Body and Mind are one and the same: the alpha and the omega. The gross and the subtle. The fluid and the solid. Its existence is one. Like the Head and Neck and shoulder is one, merely made separate by conventional references by us.  The naming of nouns, is to be understood: it supports taxonomy and classification. But it is to be understood that it is the same – one single interconnectedness.

We are as humans interconnected with our environment and ecology: one disbalances the other. One without the other, is unviable. This must be clear.

Behind the emergent issue lies the dormant.  Critical that the withheld is actioned, the invisible made visible, the muted, sounded off, the unstated stated, the edited, verbalized, the withheld, released.


For example, a person who is unwell : treat the systems: you must do that. But attack the root cause. Else one leaf will replace another, one limb by another. It is the root.

All problems exist at the phenomenological level, the inter-personal level, and then again the intra-personal level. Probing these multi facetted levels you penetrate the existential level. Then the nothingness, is seen as all that is full. The one consciousness. The one Brahmin.


As the Manduka Upanishad confirms, the living, dreaming, and deep sleep phase is all of the states of Brahmin. All emotional states are those of the sensory: the interplay of Prakriti and Purush.

Friday 9 September 2016

Frameworks from NLP

On Building Trust – a framework from NLP

Trust will arise with the Coach if client believes you ‘understand him’ and he expects he/she can get value from you. So how does one build trust? Is there a framework to understand this better? NLP provides such a model (for more read, Richard Bandler’s, Structure of Magic, Volume II.

One way, is to follow the predicates used by the client. Language is not experience but a representation of the feeling, like similar to the analogy that the map is not the territory, but a representation. Language patterns offer a clue to universal modelling processes: deletion, distortions and generalisations. 

For example, a client may talk about touch /feel (kinesthetic) or this does not look like (visual) or this sounds (auditory), etc. By consciously selecting and matching your predicates, will help enable trust. This ability to be flexible and use of predicates in clients mode, is one aspect of mirroring, and creating ‘likeability and trust’.

So for instance, if client says this proposal does not sound right (visual) rather than switch predicate and asking, ‘why do you feel this way?’ or even “ what did you see that is not right?” is not helpful. Instead ask, ‘ what changes would you hear added that it would sound right for you?’

Avoid using Why, instead use all other question forms to allow for a connection with the surface and the deeper experience. Why creates explanations. Instead allow for expansion of the surface.


Ask, how would you like to see added to this? (if visual) or ‘what specific additions would make you feel comfortable (if client is Kinesthetic).

Bandler, observing Virginia Satir, provides a meta model around examining such deletions, distortions, misrepresentations or cause effect, mind reading,etc and how the coach can assist enable larger perspective by going beyond words, and get deeper understanding of the experience.

By alerting ourselves to the experience of the map, we change our experience of the territory. The maps are formed by the language patterns we use, and hence the meta model helps provide a framework to change and alter. An assumption or belief (say an unhelpful belief which is limiting) makes us uncomfortable and makes our world be perceived as uncomfortable.


For instance (mind reading), “my story must be boring you”.  Don’t respond by saying, ‘No, not at all’. Ask Instead, how do you think your story is boring me? That’s a positive challenge, and it forces the client an opportunity to examine this ‘mind reading’. A map here is my story is boring, I am boring, and my own esteem is low and its dysfunctional to my self worth.


NLP provides for management of similar meta models – around 22 or more which have been described and explained.



The role of the coach is to help client recognise and challenge patterns of limiting beliefs. By this mere shift of language you help change the map, and the resultant experience.

Rather than focus on the issue, Milton Ericsson, would 'chunk up' using hypnosis and abstractions and embedded commands to steer the client to a whole new perspective. 

He would not direct, rather, " I don't know how soon you would like to relax, but I do know it would be a matter of time before you relax" Later, " I wonder where your mind would go if you were to relax, and think about things that are important to think". 

By building presupposition, you are embedding commands into the client. instead of saying, "I think you are now thinking....." instead you are saying, "I wonder when you would be thinking around....". This is effective cushioning. If the client accepts the statements, he accepts the presupposition. This then allows for the seeding, and embedding of the command. 

Presupposition of existence, for example, 'this is this, and that presupposes that I am not that'. (weak/strong). Or presupposition of awareness, "all I want for you to focus on is the sounds and the feeling of your body, in the here and now", and then embed "and this means there is great learning now". 

In other words, you make a couple of statements that the client agrees with, as they are obvious statements of facts (presupposition, and you are saying Yes), then you insert the conversational hypnosis (this means that you are learning). the insertion is offering plausibility. You start with obvious facts and then you lead them to where you want to go (called pacing and leading).

Model operators of necessity, is demonstrated by client, often saying, "this has to be done" or "I must do this". Else? Moving him from 'must' to 'I choose" helps position the behaviour. Being in a double bind, 'dammed if i do, dammed if i don't". 

"When would you like to study, before or after your bath?" or "How would you like to pay, by cash or by card?"

In all that is shared above important to remember, are the words of Milton E, "be your own natural self, don't imitate another: it is pretense". Develop your own technique which works for you and suits you. All you need is a strategic sense for where you are going. Focus in the client always. Help client understand his own behaviour, do not interpret it for him. 

A helping relationship begins with Entry, an Offer and a smooth Exit. Or said differently, how do you set up? How do you intervene, and how do you follow through on exit. When boxing, and wishing to deliver a left hook, you set it up, with left leg forward, right leg behind, crossed, follow with hook, and move left leg inwards, while swing outwards with right leg. That's what technique is about. All three elements are crucial to make the KO happen! Anticipate, Respond, Retract and begin again.

In terms of therapy, one way of doing this could be:

  • set up, 'the positivity for acceptance of support', engage with the enactment of the symptoms but subtly, raise the game for the challenge to succeed (pile it on), then confirm readiness for therapy and 
  • re-enact the phenomena, but with autosuggestion to drop it aside: with specific confirmation of what is needed to clarify cure. 
  • When done, confirm the action. Heighten the reconfirmation by exaggerated drama: elegant packaging which heightens the finish. 

Great example of this method and application would be in the area of treating phobias. Other methods include disassociation (supporting de-sensitisation), working episodically backwards, and filling in newer details obfuscating newer elements. Re-visiting and re-framing (reversal) and re-positioning the 'here and now' and adding control and autonomy, thereby empowering the client. Some use positive anchoring, to bring in positive re-associations, in re-dealing with similar occurrences. 

In the ultimate analysis, either we grow or we decay! We are blessed with infinite potentiality. 


Thursday 1 September 2016

The only true Religion is Self Realisation

Religion is inevitable: it cannot be avoided. Even an atheist has a creed: Belief that there is ‘no God’ itself is a dogma. Every human strives for a purpose. Inherent is that, is a compulsion to have beliefs. Unfortunately, as each one seeks to discover and realize truth, ‘shortcuts’ by way of explanations are provided by others: priests, community, etc. 

Religion cannot be defined, it is but an experience. Like our sensory organs it cannot be described as how can an experience be explained. It can only be felt. What is experienced is real, what is explained is but a mere tautology.

We live in an unreal world what is described as maya. It is illusionary. Running away from maya or an illusion is stupid. That is escapism. Being in the world, but aware one is not of the world is a realization. Having clarity makes the illusion disappear. Truth is, it is the essence of being alive. Truth is not out there. Truth is your innermost immortal reality. The rope that looks like a snake is always there. There is and had always been the rope. The snake is but 'illusionary' a false representation in your mind. Your mind is the illusion itself. The search is itself False. There is no need for a search. No destination. You are already there. You just have to realize that all that you seek is already there. You have to grasp innocence. No place for being cunning or clever. Only the innocent will enter the kingdom of heaven said Jesus. No need for definition. Just the experience.

Questions that come from innocence gets answered. Springing from knowledge the question is front loaded with a pet answer. Then no other response is satisfactory except the answer you already have. Then one question is followed by another. As long as there is doubt there will always be a question. When the questions drop, truth emerges.

As knowledge grows understanding reduces. But what is this in practical terms. Can we allow ourselves to drop knowledge? Would we be taken advantage of? Substitute your life with trust. When trust exists nothing can be taken away from you. All principles are no principles. There are not real but clever arrangements. Like plastic flowers. No thorns, no fragrance,a false eternity, always fresh. That's what principles are. Spiritual perceptions render all principles void. Do not get confined by any guess work. Unless something is your own experience it's not worth keeping it. Drop all the luggage that comes from knowing. Retain only that which comes from your understanding. Avoid accumulating garbage. Be careful, you do not substitute one false belief with another. That’s what we do all the time.

Sit for five minutes and write every thought that goes on inside your mind. Zillion of thoughts. Remember the thoughts are not interested in you. Like clouds they float around. And they will continue to float. It is but you who is invested.  It is you that give your thoughts energy. We chase our possessions, our thoughts. We are the ones who protect it. Keep it reined it. Drop the interest. Drop the attachment. Cut the rope. Allow the rubbish to go. Let it wander off: the cloud will wander away from you. Be alive to your spiritual perception. Everything is always here now. Why be in a hurry. Be still. Be silent. Be unhurried. Drop goals. Be here now. Everything that happens happens now and here.

Avoid trying. You are already it. No need to attain. You have already attained. Just drop the debris that surrounds you. All that is needed is a permission from you to yourself to become enlightened said Maharishi Ramana.

The bible says, Seek(within) and you shall find. Knock(within) and the door shall be opened.

Krishna says,' to die in one's self nature is all'. To think of following someone else is very frightening. In essence, be yourself.

When the pilgrimage stops: there it is. When the seeker disappears, it is found. Not by seeking, but by avoiding the search itself. The benediction is there when all efforts stop. Be alert to oneself. You can't get at it, you can't get rid of it, there it is. No methods nor paths needed. The gateless gate. Like light, the darkness melts. The darkness itself gives way to light. The absence of light is darkness. And the presence of light avoids darkness. That which is sought by the seeker, will continue to be darkness. When the seeker does not exist, that which is sought ceases. Then that which exists is.

Avoid being on a journey. One small technique: watch your breath. You will come back to being here now.

Leo Tolstoy wrote a beautiful story about three most important questions:

1.    what is the most important time?
2.    Who is the most important person?
3.    What is the most important thing to do?


Through a powerful story he conveys the message: the best time is always NOW, the most important person is always YOU ( the other) and the most important task is to DO GOOD.