Saturday 24 May 2014

Existentially Speaking

Existentially Speaking

Who am I is the secondary question, that springs from the more insistent question – What am I? As we go on answering what we believe is the first question, it only leads to the answers to clarifying the second question – What am I? To any answer, if we put the additional question – who is asking this question, it seems to point out to the fact that, I am not this, not that. (Neti Neti).

The questioner is the question itself – the question is one where a doubt is projected as if outside to itself. As long as there are questions, it clarifies that there exists doubts. As one question is answered another question replaces the earlier question. Every question hides within it, a belief that the answer will confirm a particular notion, held already by the questioner. He / she seeks validation. This is a double bind. If the answers confirm the notion, doubt remains. If it is contrary to a notion held, it raises fresh doubt. Like this, we go on asking questions – sometimes to others, more so to ourselves.

The question is a thought. A thought exists if it is attractive or repulsive – it must have an emotional appeal. With millions of thoughts, we linger around but with only a few. That which we are attracted to, lingers; that which haunts us, chases. Both stay.

Thoughts arise from the mind. The mind is duality. It looks for analysis, discrimination. The mind is built for doubt. For all that is held with certainty, within it lies a small speck of doubt. And for all that is held in doubt, within it lies a speck of certainty. It is not opposites – it is one: a continuum. This needs to be understood.

It is futile to answer the question: it will go on changing. Rather, the focus should be on the questioner – answer the questioner, not the question. For in every question, something is asked, not asked and also asked. A question is located in context, and answering a question without understanding the context is useless.

Trust replaces doubt. While the mind cannot trust, the heart never doubts. The mind responds to the outside, confirms actions within a boundary of assumptions, and lapses back in doubt, when the assumptions change. The assumptions themselves are held in doubt. Trust is located within oneself. It offers itself to existence almost as to say, ‘thy will be done’.


Trust connects and engages. To trust one needs to be intelligent. All other responses come from the intellect calculated for outcomes, but married with doubt. To trust another, begins with first trusting oneself.

Remember, the self (the ego) is the mind itself, whose prime purpose is to ensure its perpetuity. A self  that enquires perpetuates it existence. As long as there is desire to answer questions - the ego will exist. When the questions drop, the ego drops.  

Sunday 18 May 2014

Laser Coaching

Laser Coaching –  Try it!

All of us can be a coach. Here are a few steps you can use.

First step: Recognising a coaching opportunity

In my experience it’s a waste of time to seek out a coachee – to want to help. The coachee must first be receptive to receiving coaching support. Look for signals. Does he/her make a specific request for help. If not avoid Coaching. I cannot over stress this point.

Second step: Agree to a Coaching session formally

Ask, ‘Would you like me to be a coach to you on this issue? Are you happy for us to spend 20-30 minutes discussing this?’. Make sure the coachee is happy to contract with you on the coaching intervention.

Step three: Choose time and space and prepare for the coaching session

Try and sit at right angle to each other, with a note pad and pencil. Choose a place which is quiet and where you would not be disturbed.

Begin the coaching:

1.     Sunitha, what would you like to discuss with me over the next 20-30 minutes?
2.     If we had a great discussion, what would be the key outcomes you would hope for at the end of 20 minutes?
3.     On a scale of 1-10, how important is this issue to you? Help me understand why you have rated it in this way?
4.     You describe this issue as a ‘problem’; share with me what would you like the solution to look like, if it was fully resolved?
5.     I can understand how important this issue is for you. What steps have you taken already to find a solution?
6.     Great, it seems you have taken several initiatives already. Let’s discuss what are all of the options available to you to deal with this issue?
7.     Let’s list out on your pad – option 1, option 2 and so on.
8.     Another way of asking this could be: - tell me, what is the one thing you know you should do More of/Less of ?
9.     If the client is unable to generate options help by asking: If you asked your friend to offer a suggestion, what might he say? Or how did you resolve a situation like this in the past? Or how would a ‘hero’ of yours resolve this issue?
10. Once you have generated 5-6 options ask, ‘which option(s) would work best for you? Why?

Move to the stage of choosing an action

1.     How would you go about putting this into action? What is the specific action you would take?
2.     What changes would you make in your routine to accommodate this action?
3.     What difficulties might you face to implement these actions? Would could you possibly do to mitigate this?

Move to self review and assessment

1.     How would you monitor and assess if you are following through on your action plan? What monitoring tool works best for you?
2.     How would you assess the effectiveness of your plan?
3.     What can I do to help you?

Move to Closure

1.     We are close to the end of 20 minutes. Let’s wind this session down…what are the key takeaways for you from this discussion?
2.     How do you feel right now? Are you happy for us to wind down this session now?
3.     Finally acknowledge the client for something positive you observed and close the session.