Acknowledgement to me, is recognising and being aware of, both in the other and in the self, a few behaviours we demonstrate that is enabling in nurturing relationships.
Most of us are well aware of this 'goodness' that we see in others, but we do not share it. As coaches, we ought to do this. Acknowledge this 'behaviour' in ourselves or the other. Psychology has demonstrated that those who have a positive self regard have a strong self esteem.
We all have 'body' needs: someone to love and to be loved, need for power ( includes personal achievement) and influence - influence others and be influenced, inclusion in others activities - both wanted and expressed, safety and security, and need for recognition. These are primal needs and needs to be regularly maintained. As long as we continue to operate from the physiology of the 'body' we will continue to seek satisfaction and harmony in this.
Gradually, as we move to becoming more self aware - of self and others, as we explore both the manifest and the unmanifest world, as we explore our own interiority, we seem to drop our 'body needs' and move to wanting less time with others. I don't mean renunciation - i simply mean, the intensity of the 'wishing' reduces - the wanting drops.It is as if there is self realisation that the desire itself is useless - it has its own insatiable intensity, inexorable at all time, an intensity that will not abate, only exacerbate with 'attention'.
Initially, we seek confirmation and external validation even as we seek to affirm our own being.
So bottom line , is that we need to acknowledge, but also to be aware, of this process as it happens. Just be aware.
Acknowledgement, at its best, is when it is offered unconditionally, spontaneously and in the moment. It is at its worst, when it is offered, with motives to influence, beguile or manipulate. When we acknowledge a behaviour, it is there for both to see. It is authentic, real and joyful. Acknowledgment is not praise (read flattery), it is about genuine respect. Giving respect to the other and to our self.
Acknowledgement, like anything else, can only happen, when we first acknowledge our self. Acknowledge, that despite [this ] and [that], we still have 'progressed'. When we acknowledge ourselves, we give positive meanings and purpose to our work. We own up ourselves and our accomplishments - we treat ourselves as being worthy, and honour ourselves and hold ourselves worthy of deep respect. Often, we simply do not acknowledge our self enough.
The coach, by acknowledging a client, only signals, a path of exploration - how come she/he sees this in me that I do not see myself. Am i not as bad as i think? Could it be that I do have something to celebrate, to honour. Am i worthy of being loved?
I think the last one is critical - our ultimate goal is to LOVE and to be LOVED. When the acknowledgement takes place, it offers the client to reflect on this dimension.
Leon Vanderpol, a coach from icoachacademy, once said you can do a series of Coaching on the power of acknowledgement alone!!!!
Years ago, In 1981, I remember being acknowledged for my ability to speak in public. That sparked for me a desire to re-look at my potential on this. A year later, in 1982, I was acknowledged for 'courage under fire' - I can see too clearly now, how the early bush fire twigs were lit within.
Acknowledgement helps us to feel worthy about ourselves, and to respect the worthiness in others. It creates balance. As coaches, we bring adhikar and anurag to our work. Like a gardener, we bring attention, to things that need to be pruned, things that need to be nurtured. This process happens unconsciously, even if we do not will it so.
One final comment, we have to be careful, that when we acknowledge, we are not confirming approval or disapproval. We are not saying,' I like you on this zzzzz, as i approve this type of thing'. That would be really ineffective. If we acknowledge in this ineffective way, we would be manipulative.
I would like to end, by acknowledging a fellow coach Jaya Bhateja for remarking, "Acknowledgement needs to be like baking powder in the cake rather than only like an icing! '
Hi Steve, I just loved reading the article and enjoyed it completely. You have brought another dimension to the topic and touched upon the origin of Acknowledgement and body needs. This is a wonderful Blog ! Congratulations and keep writing and keep sharing !
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