Be part of community; but foremost be individual

Be part of community; but foremost be individual

The ‘locations’ we take in life gives rise to ‘roles’ even as the ‘self’ adapts to form one’s ‘identity’. The location is the context of the ‘am ness’ of the self, and actions arising from this quadrant are spontaneous and vibrant. They are life positive. Actions acted out of ‘roles’ or from identity are adapted stances, and can be often frozen, irrelevant and meaningless.  For the identity is the persona – our personality that governs how we act within the confines of a role. Over structured, over crystalized, it can be immobilizing, un energizing  and life negative.

Individuation is the proximity to self, Personality a proximity to identity. Individuation is driven by the resonance to the psychological ‘location’ while personality is the over socialization  to ‘role’.

Just as a role creates the character and the script for the identity, the self is a responsiveness that comes from a location that is without a prescription for role.

The location offers actions from within, the role prescribes actions sanctioned from outside. The former is an action that springs from one’s essence, the latter that springs from one’s tradition and society. The first is bereft of judgment, the latter is laced with ‘beliefs’ and normativeness.

The person lives in duality within and outside. Within, is the evocation to act from self and location: outside the demands to act from prescribed tradition. The former is the ultimate freedom to be oneself; the latter is to be ‘appropriate’.

Individuation is personal: even an identity can be communal. It can be laced with religion, caste, creed, geography or institutional. The individual persona can and would be subordinate to communal identity. Here there is real danger for total merger of all the individual identity. Responsibility is lost and so is individual consciousness. The crowd creates the de-sensitisation. It is an illusion. There is no ‘humanity’ or ‘society’  or such collective nouns. The parts are lost in the whole.

For true consciousness one must move away from the crowd. Move away from being a Christian: find one’s Christ; move away from being a family member: connect with each one of its members. Be a part of the personal bond, not a linkage to an identity. In this lies the hope to be universal.

Be part of a community: merge not, but collage: foremost retain your individuation.

As long as the 'other' exists....

On Comparison

Freedom is not choosing one or the other on the same continuum – it is about transcending that line. 

Let's begin with a few examples:

1.     Someone feels she is happier being at home making sacrifices to her career while she attends to her loved ones.

2.     The beggar feels he is happier than the prince for he feels more content with what he has in his humble abode.

3.     Ashok feels he has no regrets working in Dubai away from home. The money is good, it pays for a good life and education for his children.

4.     Anita shares she is prefers to live by honest means, instead of doing what she see her colleagues doing: she believes they will be punished for their immoral acts.

5.     Kumar works as an independent consultant, he prefers this lifestyle, although he admits the money is lesser, and income intermittent.

6.     Andrew observes his boss, who is a workaholic: he has money, cars, travels extensively, but no work life balance. He feels his life is better; at least he gets to spend time with his family and friends.

The list of examples can go on. I am sure you have many more you could add.

Truth is that we are all in search of bliss. Bliss is not happiness, or the absence of unhappiness. Bliss is when you transcend happiness and unhappiness. When as (PD Ouspensky  writes in Fourth Way), you stop the identification with the other.

Or what we refer to as non attachment.  The only truth is that which emerges from within true knowledge or awareness) and not from outside. All scriptures point to the spiritual, there are by itself not spiritual.

Be it known that the opposites exist together: darkness and light, knowledge and ignorance, happiness and unhappiness, friend and enemies, love and hate.  Our desire for one, attracts us to its counter point. ‘Buy one, and get one free’- it seems.  All sweet moments end with grief, and in our darkest hour, we see the hopes of light ahead. This unending choice to choose ‘one’ and reject the ‘other’ is a pattern repeated through our lives. The other will not drop, it is the ‘shadow’ that lurks with us always. For it exists in the other. In the seeds of immense doubt, there exists trust; and in the seeds of immense trust there exists doubt.

Yet we go on repeating this pattern away from choicelessness, hoping fervently that the next time around, our past experiences will re-emerge with the ‘hell’ taken out. That would be our heaven. That would be when we finally arrive. Yet, time and again, the experience is re surfaced, and with its inevitable drama. We imagine that the ‘other’ has found it. He /She must be happy, we suspect. We see large signboards while driving – ‘Buy the dream house, live your fantasy’. Picture of a welcoming spouse, a swimming pool, children in parks, etc. We cough up huge amounts, borrowed from banks, pay EMI’s: yet the happiness is elusive!

We recognize at some point, we are living a story tale we were once told: do this, acquire this, strive for this and you will be happy! Our life is our Myth we live; what we Have we do not Value, and what somebody gives us, we do not appreciate, for we want it a little differently than the manner it was given.

In the examples I provide above, the ‘other’ is always present. When comparison exists, the soul is in torment. Why the comparison.  Does a river compare with a tree, a lily with a rose, a bird with a snake. There is nobody, exactly like you! There never will be. Yet the stuff that you and I and everything around us is made of exactly the same stuff. We existed before, we will exist always. Our form is what will change - just that which is manifest. 

I reason, that it is neither deny or defy, neither renounce or denounce. But to be in both: experience both in fullness and transcend. We have NOWHERE to go! All we have is NOW HERE.

I like to end by asking, are we human being with a spiritual view or a spiritual being with a human body?

Doubt and Trust - one needs the other.

To relate and to express are the two basic fundamental human needs – on people and on the environment we live in. Given man’s ability to reflect on past experiences, and make abstract and concrete generalizations, it allows him to envision his future, test new hypothesis and allows him to make new meaning, new choices, new actions, new directions, new grounds for relatedness.

As we relate / express the fundamental driver is trust. Trust is built on, ‘biology, physics and chemistry’ that we have with others. Biology – as it is organic, our mirror neurons (read more on Dr. Ramchander’s work) fire away when we are with people, alerting us to trust or mistrust. Our brains are wired for reward or punishment (David Rock). Physics, as it requires structure. The roles we play for each other steer to normative definitions of do’s and don’t’s. We assume, leaders lead, parents love, teachers, teach etc.  And finally Chemistry, where sense and intuitive data combine to forge trust or mistrust.

The ‘self’ which is us over time, through socialization and re-culturalisation becomes the identity we portray – it becomes our Personality. Interesting a persona is a mask. On the other hand, a ‘location’ we find ourselves in offers us a steer to the roles we must play. Obviously, as we occupy multiple locations at home, office, and with society, we have multiple roles we play. When some of our roles come in conflict with the self or the identity we feel anxious and mistrust.

So how do we build trust?

Trust comes from sharing: Ourselves to others and understanding the other even more deeply.  The head can never trust, and the heart can never doubt. Mind is build on duality: as long as the assumptions hold true conditional acceptance is there, when the context changes, the assumptions are no longer relevant, mistrust begins. On the other hand, the heart never doubts. It is unconditional, devoid of any conditions. It is total surrender. True trust comes easier to a young child, as it develops her mind, doubts begin to grow.

Trust comes from providing more information. If you go rappelling, much care is taken to explain the procedures, the safety briefing, etc, which instills trust.

The good news is that we are trusting by nature, yet at the same time imbued with doubt. Doubt allows a scientist to go to work, dissecting and searching for truth, trust allows him to prayer before he leaves home.

We need both doubt and trust – like both sides of a coin.

What do you think?

Coorg - Coffee Plantation

Tamara Resorts,Coorg: at a coffee plantation. 

This may be of interest to Coffee drinkers. :) 

I learnt that Coffee is generally grown on fertile forestlands at high elevation and heavy rainfall. 

                                                                                                                                                By clipping the main stem in year two, lateral spread is encouraged. One node can produce as much as 32 flower buds. 

Arabica coffee is mild. Robusta is stronger in comparison. 

The berries are ready to be picked when they turn red in colour. 

The best coffee is coffee Luwak and it has an interesting story how the coffee beans are sourced  Civet cats are allowed to select the best berries from off the trees directly and the swallowed nuts excreted are collected! These beans are crushed, with the outer skin discarded and later separated upon being sieved. 

Usually a mixture of 50:40 with 10pc others is the right blend for drinking, though most branded coffees come with Arabica and Chicory the later gives it volume. Beware, Chicory beyond 15% can be harmful. nuts are then roasted 

(~90 centrigrade), cooled and bottled (some crushed into fine powder). 

The coffee powder is then placed in a coffee percolator and water is poured and the sediments once settled down, the liquid is ready for mixing with milk, water and sugar and voila you have freshly brewed coffee. 

Looking back in time! Moments that stand out.

Year 2000:

A tender moment

One evening we landed in Calcutta, later to be called Kolkata. It was in late 2000. The Execo at Hutch was planned the following day. Some of us were checking in at the reception. Asim Ghosh, Managing Director just arrived himself. Suggested it was a great evening. Would we like to go for a walk? Sudershan Banerjee, CEO for Delhi and I agreed. Maybe walk down to a local bar for an evening drink? Yeah, let’s do that, Asim suggested. So we agreed to meet in a short while again downstairs at the lobby.

We started walking and chatting about the city. Asim was amazing. He revealed little nuggets of the city, that although I was born and brought up there, I had not known. We crossed writers building, walked down Waterloo Street and onto Government house. Asim was talking nonstop. Minute by minute he narrated historical facts, pointing out to one building then another.

As we kept walking, we came across a pariah dog. He wagged his tail enthusiastically at Asim, who stopped and lovingly rubbed him on his neck, later his head. The dog warmed up to him and wagged his tail vigorously. Asim talked to the dog for quite a while, while we waited, patiently at first, then not so patiently. Both animal and he developed a strange bond in the moment. After a while we moved on, but the dog followed a few paces behind, not unnoticed by us. We kept walking on for some time, and kept noticing the dog following us still, but several paces behind. Asim stopped once ten minutes later and waited for the dog to catch up. Again ensured a long conversation between dog and him. We moved on again. And Asim this time, was amused and delighted to see the dog still following behind. Asim kept encouraging the dog to catch up each time his pace dropped or while we crossed over to the other pavement.

Soon we were close to the hotel, near Metro cinema. It was late. Around 11 pm. The dog was still a few yards behind. He’d been following for the last thirty minutes. Suddenly, Asim turned to me and said, “Steve, he must be hungry. Get me some food for him’. Food, at this hour, from where. Feeling a little foolish, I dived into a nearby lane. A dhaba was still open. I wonder what food I should buy, I thought. I had never been to a road side restaurant to buy food for a dog. Anyway, I thought rotis would be a good idea. Bought a couple and returned to the main road, trying to spot if I could find Asim and Sudershan.

They there were. They had walked back now quite some distance. Asim had gone looking for the dog. He had apparently disappeared. Sudershan looked incongruous in the dark, wearing a suit. Asim had disappeared too somewhere. I found the whole moment hilarious. I holding, a few rotis, in my hand, Sudershan standing still and Asim darting around on the road busily looking for a pariah dog. If someone could see us now. Managing director of a highly reputed company, whistling away, desperately looking for a recently canine friend that could not be found.

Suddenly, the dog appeared from behind a wall, even a moment later Asim. Asim whopped in delight, in finding his new and recently lost friend. Both moved enthusiastically towards each other. A moment later, the dog moved across the street, onto the divide. We followed. Did you get the food, Asim asked me excitedly. I handed the packet over to him, while he tore the food in small bits and bend down to place it before the dog. The dog scooped up the morsel of food, and swallowed it down hungrily. He scooped another bit and munched on it furiously. It had started to rain now, a few droplets. We all stood there silently, watching him eat. It soon started to drizzle lightly. We continued to stand there while the first drops of rain began to descend. Yet, Asim stood by undaunted and we with him.  I cannot say who looked more pleased – the dog or Asim. Asim watched with great satisfaction as the dog hungrily ate the last morsel up. ‘He needs water, Asim said excitedly. Gosh, I hope you are not going to ask me to get a bottle of Bisleri mineral water, I thought.

It began to rain in right earnest. A pool of water began to gather at the edge of the kerb. The dog thirstily lapped it up. Then he looked up. He caught our eye and then it raced away. We watched him run across, to the other side, and followed him till we lost him as he turned around a block. Asim sighed with satisfaction and we turned away. We crossed the other side and walked back to the hotel. The rain gently kissed our cheeks, and added weight to our clothes. But I felt light, happy and connected.

I had learnt a valuable lesson in love and affection. Even today, when I walk down the same street on Chrowinghee, I look for the dog, and then glance over my shoulder, looking for Asim.

Living in one's own Truth

We are all part of the one Consciousness. The stars in the distant galaxy, or the tiniest of particle all have the same stuff, which is similar. We are all part of the same fractal, but adapt to the environment we live and interact with. (Video: Bruce Lippot, Biology of Belief). Our world is but phenomena of our own perception: what we see out there is shaped by our thoughts. We eventually see what we ‘wish to see’. We consolidate our belief systems, and act within this: our actions are predetermined. 

At its primacy, what makes us tick is a deep desire to seek happiness. We chase money (more specifically, what money can buy us), or we seek friendships with others (to boost our self esteem), or power or recognition (to gain more control of our environment and influence things around us); some of us even seek truth around, ‘who am I’, the ultimate in desire. For truth comes not with searching. Truth is recognized whenever, wherever. It is as certain as a bright day-all doubts vanish. Truth is an eternal principle, it stands irresolute over time.

All this is a search: as if something is out there to be found. Yet, we forget, the important lesson: we are already joyful, blissful and complete in every way. Timothy Gallwey, in the Inner game of Tennis says, “ The rose is a rose from the time it is a seed to the time it dies. Within it, at all times, it contains its whole potential. It seems to be constantly in the process of change, yet at each stage, at each moment, it is perfectly all right as it is’. Our misery comes with wanting to be something else. When we expect, we get disappointed, when we accept, we find harmony. Nor should a search for it self become an obsession. According to the Tao – The sage does not contrive to find his self, for he knows that all which may be found of it, is that which manifests to sense and thought which side by side with ‘self’ is naught.

Our truth lives within us. As Buddha instructed, ‘be a light unto yourself’. Follow your own intuition, even if it seems paradoxical. Lao Tsu says,

What is in the end to be shrunk, must first be stretched

Whatever is to be weakened, must begin by making strong

What is to be overthrown, must begin to be set up

He who would be a taker, must begin as a giver

This is called ‘dimmining one’s light’.