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Sunday 25 March 2012
Reflections on Listening: the lost art
Some reflections on Listening: the lost art...
Even after much has been said about the importance of Listening, it is still not enough to make the point. Listening is indeed the most powerful tool in communication and establishing a deep and meaningful relationship with the other.
Listening is not hearing with our ears. Hearing is about what is being said. Listening is being attentive to the speaker. In listening we are tuned in to what is being said, felt, also said, also unsaid. Listening requires us to be deep connected to the other, offering total presence and with deep awareness. Listening is not about simultaneous evaluation while the speaker is speaking, instead it is about suspending judgements or biases or pre conceptions. Notice the number of times we interrupt, sometimes even rudely. Notice how often we cut across someone else’s conversation. When one is totally attentive – meditatively attentive, one reaches a flow of connectedness with the other. Bonding through deep listening is stronger than with just words. There is deeper understanding of silence, than that which comes from words. When as coaches we LISTEN, we acknowledge, show respect, display empathy, connect, show presence, and become deeply aware. All of us have two basic needs: to Relate and to Express. Most of us, Envision the future or Reflect on the past – and a good listener taps into this.
In Zen, a student is invited to hear the sound of one hand clapping…..
As Coaches, we have a much easier task, but does it come easy to us? Simply put Coaching is really all about Listening, Paraphrasing, exploring with questions, Acknowledging and supporting energy for Action(s).
Listening is also to be directed to oneself: Our thoughts in our mind (24x7) does not mean we are thinking – far from it! It just means that our thoughts are ephemeral presence that last momentarily, but call us to attention all the time. They have a short shelf life, but make a huge buzz in their lifetime. In fact we are bombarded with our thoughts. Like dust debris that seeps in, they are random, and directionless. They prevent focus. They de-energise over time. Through cultivated mind discipline, ie: stilling of the mind, we can graduate towards Right Thinking. (for further reading refer to Patanjali – Yoga Sutra).
More on listening:
Dr. Mark Goulston - Just Listen
www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWfGeBvJewA
Even after much has been said about the importance of Listening, it is still not enough to make the point. Listening is indeed the most powerful tool in communication and establishing a deep and meaningful relationship with the other.
Listening is not hearing with our ears. Hearing is about what is being said. Listening is being attentive to the speaker. In listening we are tuned in to what is being said, felt, also said, also unsaid. Listening requires us to be deep connected to the other, offering total presence and with deep awareness. Listening is not about simultaneous evaluation while the speaker is speaking, instead it is about suspending judgements or biases or pre conceptions. Notice the number of times we interrupt, sometimes even rudely. Notice how often we cut across someone else’s conversation. When one is totally attentive – meditatively attentive, one reaches a flow of connectedness with the other. Bonding through deep listening is stronger than with just words. There is deeper understanding of silence, than that which comes from words. When as coaches we LISTEN, we acknowledge, show respect, display empathy, connect, show presence, and become deeply aware. All of us have two basic needs: to Relate and to Express. Most of us, Envision the future or Reflect on the past – and a good listener taps into this.
In Zen, a student is invited to hear the sound of one hand clapping…..
As Coaches, we have a much easier task, but does it come easy to us? Simply put Coaching is really all about Listening, Paraphrasing, exploring with questions, Acknowledging and supporting energy for Action(s).
Listening is also to be directed to oneself: Our thoughts in our mind (24x7) does not mean we are thinking – far from it! It just means that our thoughts are ephemeral presence that last momentarily, but call us to attention all the time. They have a short shelf life, but make a huge buzz in their lifetime. In fact we are bombarded with our thoughts. Like dust debris that seeps in, they are random, and directionless. They prevent focus. They de-energise over time. Through cultivated mind discipline, ie: stilling of the mind, we can graduate towards Right Thinking. (for further reading refer to Patanjali – Yoga Sutra).
More on listening:
Dr. Mark Goulston - Just Listen
www.youtube.com/watch?v=eWfGeBvJewA
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