Our Deepest Fears

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.

Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.

We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?

You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.

There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you.

We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us.

It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine,

we unconsciously give others permission to do the same.

As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.

By Marianne Williamson

Our deepest fear is to doubt ourselves, give credence to all the belief systems we have formulated over the years: some by others, most by ourselves. 

Bewildered and anxious by actions and prescriptions by people around us, we have adapted self for the sake of others, and lost our own 'original face'. 

Our doubts contain the deepest fear of total annihilation of our being. Of death. 

Shakespeare once said, Cowards die many times before their death, the valiant tastes of death but once. Our doubts come from the use of our mind to assess the processes of our interiority.  That which was a friend to be used outside to manage our world turns foe when we use it internally to assess who we are. 

We are perfect in every way. Our imperfections as seen by others from time to time are perfect and much required as we evolve. We need to chase no ideals, no goals, no need to be different. No need to be like the other. 

All we need to do is to be ourselves: we are competent, lovable and compassionate but we have forgotten to trust ourselves. 

Our mind will forever doubt, but our heart will always trust. 

When we drop the 'doing' and realise we are perfect in our imperfections we get to the destination in an instant. 

Else we live with doubt, guilt and shame. These are not natural. They are imposed from outside. 

Stay Aware! 

Visit to Chhindwara - 20 years later

Back 20 years

 It started with the plane landing at Nagpur. Then it was all remembrance time. The airport itself, familiar but not same: as time would have changed it. That’s modernity: it looked more efficient, however less charming.

The drive from Nagpur to Chhindwara, brought back memories: even more gustatory while consuming samosas and adrak chai at the Sausar bus stand midway.

The more we drove the further we moved away from busier township towards rustic smaller town: the quieter it got, the warmer it felt.  An apology of a ghat barely started and ended within ten minutes of driving.

The roads were broader now, two laned and in some areas, two lanes one way itself.  As we drove further down the road the traffic got even less dense, then quiet and as if we were the only one on it: just a few trucks connecting the towns commercially.

All the lay ahead was quiet roads, somewhat unpleasant but bright sunlight. And road signs assuring you that you were approaching destination soon.

We reached Chhindwara by 11 am and checked into a hotel. The wedding reception venue of a friend , for which my family and I had come in for, was just opposite the hotel.

A few calls: and it was back to connecting with the past. Ajay, an old friend dropped everything to come and see us at the Hotel and drive us around.  We drove to his house (fantastic memories) then to Ranjit Mehna’s and then to the HUL Factory, where I was delighted to meet staff and colleagues. It was good to see the changes in the factory since and to reconnect with old memories. At one level, it seemed just yesterday; yet at another, it seem like a dream, so long back!

Like in all weddings receptions, you encounter so many friends of the past, reestablishing old connections once again.

As I reflected my last 4 weeks ( a 30 old reunion with XLRI Alumni at Goa, My wife’s school reunion celebration of Mt Carmel and De Nobili, Dhanbad, a HUL get together coming up soon) I was left wondering: we seemed to live so much in the future. Yet, the past, has so much to celebrate, so much to treasure.

Everything begins with acceptance, everything ends with expectations.

Everything begins with acceptance, everything ends with expectations.

What do I mean my acceptance? Acceptance is being in nature with, in resonance, in harmony, in balance. There is no better or best, what is, is perfect. In every way. Know this, we are unique. Every stage of our evolution is perfect. The caterpillar to the butterfly and the process within is all required: every step is needed. Accelerate one stage, and you have chaos. The seed under the ground needs to harden before it sprouts: it must die unto itself before it transforms and is re-born.

A farmer was disappointed with nature that his crops would not grow as well as he would like, and for one season the Maker gave him the boon to control the climate. He ordered Sunny days, and wet days, but in the end the crops failed. It was the dry period that was so badly needed for the seeds to sprout. Life must be accepted in its eternity: not more of this, and less of that. Everything is needed. Everything, good and bad (not my words) is needed.

In child psychology it is well understood that as a child skips one stage (for example the crawling stage, as he uses a walker, his growth is slightly stunted). Our brains continue to retain all of our primordial selves: the amphibian, reptilian, etc even as we evolve. We are in a state of transition all the time. No step is to be missed.

Borrowed text below:

Love is made up of three unconditional properties in equal measure:

1. Acceptance
2. Understanding
3. Appreciation

Love is unconditional: it is given without any expecatations. It is giving completely. Like a a flower that blossoms before it bears fruit: it is our very nature to love.

“Life is a series of natural and spontaneous changes. Don't resist them; that only creates sorrow. Let reality be reality. Let things flow naturally forward in whatever way they like.” 
― Lao Tzu

“A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself-and especially to feel, or not feel. Whatever you happen to be feeling at any moment is fine with them. That's what real love amounts to - letting a person be what he really is.” 
― Jim Morrison

Yet we are filled with expectations: all the time. We expect more from ourselves and from others around us. Expectations come from a notion of a false illusion that if this were to come true: we would be happy. Many of us pray with the belief that we expect we would live the good life eternally, worse still we expect to save ourselves from the agony of hell. Priests and Pundits create expectations.  Once we buy into that: we are imprisoned in their games. Then we can be controlled. Like Pavlov: conditioned, we salivate like the dog, hoping for the promised.

Regrettably, what we seek is a myth: a phantasy; what we have, we don’t not value at all, and what we want Nobody gives in the exact way we want. Even an ideal self is the worst poison: it is the most dangerous. It is a false exuberance and commitment around a goal that we hold most dear to ourselves, but which will forever endure.

Our expectations from ourselves come from Introjects of significant others in our lives: symbols of an elusive better self. All our lives, we expect more from ourselves: who we are is not good enough.

Remember this, expect and you will be disappointed, surely as night follows day. Accept, and nature bends unfolding her beauty in full panoply.

Another perspective on Goals!

It is seductive to hang onto goals. It’s a game we humans play.

Goals that give meaning to our lives is a prayer, else it is an albatross!

Attach oneself to an inner purpose. Abandon measures and milestones. They do limit.

Research says that once you fix a goal you limit yourself. Take the Roger Bannister running bit. If you know it is under 4 minutes that sets the record in the mind and for years it will act as a constraint. Take the bumble bee. It is not aware of the laws of thermodynamic. Yet it does not know this and yet it flies.

In the end, to me, goals are like pieces on the chessboard. To many there are powerful like queens and knights. Yet, they are all wooden pieces and lie inert in the box when the game is over. All equal. All inert. All lifeless. All meaningless. Only in the game does the player gave it life. This is important to remember, that the chess pieces are portent or otherwise, only as per ‘rules defined and agreed’ and by the players, not by itself.

Alive within a goal is a deep purpose that needs to be understood. A desire to see a force of potential. It is only this that inspires and lifts.

When we truly tap that energy within a goal, then only can we and empower oneself.

Goals are like a 'Finance Plan' - it is a general direction. It is an assumption. it is a plan, it is a commitment to deliver. It is a path forward. it is indicative of progress. It is a jouney with stretch. At all times it must be remembered that this 'goal' was based on a foundation of - beliefs, assumptions, values, knowledge and desire to succeed. As such, rigidity to one's goal becomes a burden. At it best, a goal lifts us up, at its worst it imprisons us to a self slavery, or worse mortgaged to others. This must be understood. It becomes a 'duty'- then we no longer enjoy it - we do it mindlessly - as if it is the only thing we have to do.

i hear many people say, what to do this is my duty- so i do it. nonsense. one should do it only if one enjoys it, not otherwise. when one is aware of what one is doing, fully aware and enjoying what one is doing - then there is a goal.

A goal should be replaced by VISION - it is broader! A vision is a direction, like a sketch. when it becomes a clearly defined map, it is disenabling. it is like a globe, where Greenland appears larger than Australia, but one must know that it i an illusion ( Australia land mass is 3x greenland). Knowing that goals are itself a perspective, it allows one to traverse the path, with one's own experiences.

Tsu Lao, would have commented, there is no need to journey across to the shore. The shore opposite is here. The beginning exists with the end: the alpha with the omega. When one has a sense of one's full journey, through a vision of his own purpose, there is an inner light that drives him forward. he moves on his own violation - phototropicity, i think scientist call it. 

Then there is no need to travel: one moves only in the RIGHT path. One moves intuitively only in the correct ways. 

let me simplify: if one is a great batsman, he needs no targets! he just enjoys batting and is aware each moment. he plays to each ball, he is alive to each moment. then he knows what to do when a ball comes through: he knows what to do with a full length, good length or short pitch - he acts without targets. he acts only with a vision and purpose and values. he steps forward or back, or sideways. he moves all at once. the spectators do not see a bowler or a batsman: they see a display of genius.

when one is in flow, the actor, and the scene disappears - just the act remains, the dancers give way to the dance.  Then there is only the dance, no dancers at all.

Goals, when embraced , without pressure, but pleasure lifts; when taken on as 'desires' or obligations de-energise.

Also, one comes with the other- you cannot have one without the other.

Goals belong there - not here! Goals lies in the future: an expectation. A phantasy. Drop Goals: here is. It is here already. It has always been here. No need for a search - that is a desire. Drop the desire, drop the source of the desire, drop goals. This world here is real, with the other: an unreal, never to be realized.

When there is no goal, one relaxes: with nothing to do, the ego disappears. The 'I' disappears. 

Then acceptance, grace begins.....the bhagwan within unfolds....

Drop all goals! Stay aware!

So what's the alternate to Goals? Focus on systems instead. 

• If you are a Coach, your Goal is to win the tournament, your System is what your team does at practice each day.
• If you are a Writer, your Goal is to write a Book, your system is a writing schedule each day.
• If you are a runner, your goal is to run the marathon, your system is your training schedule each day.
• If you are an entrepreneur, your goal is to build a Million Dollar Business, your System is Sales and Marketing. 

We are all motivated by 'wins' and get depressed by 'losses'. Have milestones along the way, so that you feel you are moving towards something each day. Keep the milestone related to each day and celebrate the small wins. Alcoholic Anonymous focus on staying 'Alcohol Free' each day! That's measurable each day and wins or losses are easily measurable. 

The trick is not 'avoidance' ( like stop smoking), instead it is about, 'smoke free today'. 

Timothy Gallwey, in his book, 'The inner Game of Tennis' shares that we have two selves - Self 1 and Self 2. Self 1 is egoistic and tends to worry, while Self 2 is intuitive. He argues that one should allow for Self 2, and let the game be played by intuition and by the subconscious rather than with an outcome focus. And finally to discover the Self 3, a better human being.