Wednesday 2 December 2020

The Heart never Doubts, the Head never Trusts


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.


Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us.We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, and fabulous?Actually, who are you not to be?


You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world.There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people will not feel insecure around you.We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone and as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. - Marianne Williamson


Our deepest fear is to doubt ourselves, give credence to all the belief systems we have formulated over the years: some by others, most by ourselves. Do you find yourself in a space where you have started to doubt your beliefs, or have started to believe in your doubts? Bewildered and anxious by actions and prescriptions by people around us, we have adapted self for the sake of others, and lost our own 'original face'. 


Who we really are, we don’t know.


Our doubts (when looked at deeply) contain the deepest fear of total annihilation of our being. Of death. Shakespeare once said, “Cowards die many times before their death, the valiant tastes of death but once”. Our doubts come from the use of our mind to assess the processes of our interiority. That which was a friend to be used outside to manage our world turns foe when we use it internally to assess who we are. The mind is not helpful, it leads to overthinking. The mind is always asking questions. When one answer is provided, another question comes up. The mind is a master – it seeks to stay in control.


We are perfect in every way. Our imperfections as seen by others from time to time are perfect and much required as we evolve. We need to chase no ideals, no goals, no need to be different. No need to be like the other. All we need to do is to be ourselves: we are competent, loveable and compassionate but we have forgotten to trust ourselves. 


Our mind will forever doubt, but our heart will always trust. 


When we drop the 'doing' and realise we are perfect in our imperfections we get to the destination in an instant. I would rather we thrive, rather than forever strive. A little of ‘inferiority’ is great to propel us further, but not if it becomes a complex itself.


We live with doubt, guilt and shame. These are not natural. They are imposed from outside. Stay in your Heart. Stay Trusting. Stay Aware! 

Reflections on the Lost art of Listening



Just today I listened to you,


Share your hope, Your dreams,


your screams of hurt and inattention,


your celebrations, triumphs and success


your world as you see it, expectations and disappointments




You made me realise


In this moment You matter, not I,


To listen to all, said, but you said more,


and I heard that too


and you shortened out some words,


but I could catch that too




To view your world just not in black and white


but in full colour, resplendent of who you are


not just a visual, but to catch the sound


the feel, and most of all,


that ‘lump in the throat’ that is yours




In your sharing you left me a gift


That I could be worth ‘sharing with’


To realise that I can only offer understanding


If I understood myself


While I heard my inner voice listening to you


I realise I must ask of myself


All I have to work on is I


This has been my realisation. Thank you.


Listening is not hearing. Hearing is about what is being said. Listening is being attentive to the speaker. In listening, we are tuned in to what is being said, felt, also said, also unsaid. Listening requires us to be deep connected to the other, offering total presence and with deep awareness. Listening is not about simultaneous evaluation while the speaker is speaking, instead it is about suspending judgements or biases or pre conceptions. Notice the number of times we interrupt, sometimes even rudely. Notice how often we cut across someone else’s conversation.


When one is totally attentive – meditatively attentive, one reaches a flow of connectedness with the other. Bonding through deep listening is stronger than with just words. There is deeper understanding of silence, than that which comes from words. When as coaches we LISTEN, we acknowledge, show respect, display empathy, connect, show presence, and become deeply aware.


Listening is also to be directed to oneself: Our thoughts in our mind (24x7) does not mean we are thinking – far from it! It just means that our thoughts are ephemeral presence that last momentarily, but call us to attention all the time. They have a short shelf life, but make a huge buzz in their lifetime. In fact we are bombarded with our thoughts. Like dust debris that seeps in, they are random, and directionless. They prevent focus. They de-energise over time. Through cultivated mind discipline, ie: stilling of the mind, we can graduate towards Right Thinking. (for further reading refer to Patanjali – Yoga Sutra).

On Mentorship



As I review my current station in life and my role as mentor and coach, I explore the true nature of mentorship. What role does it play and its significance? I explore childhood and the youthful years and offer context.

Initial Caregiver

As a child, post the initial period, there is a quick realisation that there is a ‘self’ and then there are others. The joyous stage of being 'in the womb' is over.

The initial object of love/hate – the primary caregiver mother, is held with ambivalence. Melanie Klein explains carefully in her object relations theory how infants using defense mechanisms to cope with anxieties from seeing objects (initially breasts) as ‘good or bad’. Klein argues for an ‘integrated ego’ – the depressive position that allows for reparation, a necessary effort in human development.

Other relationships

The child eventually comes in contact with other caregivers: the father, other elders and siblings, and the teacher. Back in the days and the joint family set-up, there was no paucity of mentors and caregivers, and a child had many opportunities to discover the axis of relatedness. There were so many under one roof and relationships with each had a very special quality, based on the relative pecking position of each member, based on an affiliative system that supported status and social hierarchy.

In India, the ‘maternal enthralment’ has more salience than the Oedipus complex. The triangle in the former is the mother, son and daughter-in-law, while in the latter is father, son, mother.

Deep within, the boy child knows, ‘I love mother, but I am not going to be like her, when I grow up’. It does not pay to be ‘momma’s boy’ or ‘sissy boy’ – he discovers very quickly, from his peer set, or early mentors at school. So what does it mean to be like father, he wonders?

Search for a Mentor

Today with large migration of labour, father may be distant either physically or psychologically. Worse, if socially and financially marginalised, he has taken to vice: alcohol or drugs or petty crime. The child is in desperate search for identification with his masculine energy. Who would be his role model? The lament of many has been that ‘my father has sired me, but he does not see me?’. Often the young boy fails to find any other ‘adult’ who is responsible, and who can act as his role model or mentor. In the absence of this he has to discover, ‘ways of thinking, feeling and acting’ from his peer set. As is said, in a kingdom of blind, the one eyed, is superior! Mentorship is not possible from peer set. Peers create tensions to confirm to group behavior: be like us!

No wonder then, any responsible act by any member is frowned by the majority. Young black children in the US were taunted as ‘Being White’ if they demonstrated discipline and commitment to a responsible path of adulthood.

If eventually the youth does find a mentor/teacher, he may end up valuing the fact that this person ‘sees me inside’ but alongside, unconsciously is also a wish, to be ‘fathered’ and to receive ‘love and affection’ perhaps not provided by the biological father. This transference is a reality, and so very often we heap our relationship with a mentor, to be ‘dad’ as well to us. This is worsened if the mentor swallows / introjects this and colludes in doing so.

What mentorship does….

A mentor helps channelize the masculine energies of the youth into creative channels. He is supported to learn discipline and bring in hard work and perseverance. A vision of the future which is compelling, and an ethical sense to distinguish right from wrong. In this there is character building and values.

In the absence of responsible mentoring the young person is left with few role models. On one hand he witnesses first-hand the excesses of an irresponsible father, who frustrated with his own life circumstances, drinks himself to a stupor, beats his wife or children, or who leaves home, with even more ‘irresponsible acts’ in mind. Instead of a mentor, the child is left with a truncated childhood, forced to hold anxieties on behalf of other adult members of the family. A child instead of seeing two loving adults ‘respect and love’ each other witness instead abuse, and havoc, even wondering at an unconscious level, ‘I wonder if I may have caused this?’ In financially weak homes, the child has to even discontinue education, resort to child labour, or early employment, in order to support the family.

It seems to me, that the privilege of man is just simply by birth. There is really no need to work for it. His ‘rights’(patriarchy) are enforced by violence if need be, and by a social system that allows for social hierarchy.

So back to mentorship….

What kind of mentors have we had during our childhood and youthful stage? How has the picture of relatedness with them influenced the way we act as mentors? How has the social context enabled or destabilised mentoring? Does the quality of 'menteeship' determine the overall quality of the mentor?

To me, then, the role of a mentor is to help support and channelise the energies of the youthful self to that point, when it is time for him to take responsibility and guide and mentor others. What do you think?

Tuesday 8 September 2020

What feedback has taught me about the other

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Being an Executive Coach, I use a lot of feedback to help Client discover facets of herself: feedback is received from Peers, Family, her manager, a wider network and direct reports. In addition, I have used psychometric tools, my favourite being Hogan and EUM.

Is feedback about the Client only?

Every frame of reference is from within. In the ultimate analysis, our brains are wired for that which rewards or that which punishes: the pleasure seeking impulse drives our action (See David Rock’s work). Buddha asked us to observe our own thoughts: that which we found ourselves ‘attracted to’ or those we were ‘repulsed’ from. In short, liking or disliking is fundamental to our nature. True bliss lies in equanimity.

If then every frame of reference is personal to the observer, then as J. Krishnamurthy, avers, the observer is the observed itself. We describe others with filters, around lenses we ‘like’ or ‘dislike’. Someone would appear confident or cocky, someone slow and deliberate, while others may view this as tentative and unsure. There is no ultimate reality: only facets of that reality.

Through years of receiving feedback or working with people giving feedback I have learnt, that when one gives feedback to another, one is also providing feedback on the feedback giver itself. It points out to his/ her valuation process. What is it that the feedback values most: in its presence and in its absence.

Reflect back on feedback you received from your boss for instance or a critical stakeholder. Do you recognise that much of the feedback is from his/her lens of what is important for them to see more of/less of. We all have a perceptual canvas, from which we see. Or when you provide feedback to your direct report are you not sharing what matters to you most. Don’t get me wrong: the feedback is about YOU, but it does reveal the interface that would now be required to improve the quality of engagement. Once you recognise this phenomena, you will be able to understand people much better around you. And to cater to their specific needs to improve that engagement.

Feedback is then more about knowing others, rather than just knowing about you. In every comment, there is the said, then the unsaid, and the edited. Are you aware of all three? To every question you are asked, the questioner has already a favoured answer: are you aware of what that is.

Feedback is from expectation from the other: either met or unmet. Expectations always fall short. As long as there is expectation disappointment will follow. As truly, as how Sunrise follows Sunset. Feedback comes from a notion, a phantasy, an imagined. It is only with acceptance that expectations drop. Feedback is about, what is it, that I want to see as an image that I agree with, expect. And from you. Drop expectation, Accept.

Right from birth, we have received feedback, most of it, non-verbally. From the way we were picked up at birth, held, offered gifts and responded to. We unconsciously picked these cues and adhered. What we are, seemed not to matter: what mattered is what was acceptable in us. That lesson we learnt quickly and since then we have adapted. And we have been adapting ever since.

We have learnt to distrust: the advice, ‘Be Yourself.’ Instead, we have created a persona: a special mask for each occasion. Think about this the next time you receive or give feedback: Who is it about?

Does this resonate with your own experience? Do comment, even with a few words.






Sunday 6 September 2020

Leadership Hubris




Hubris (in Greek tragedy) refers to excessive pride or defiance of the Gods leading to nemesis. This fatal flaw, or an error in action (Hamartia) leads to the downfall of the protagonist. For example, Oedipus’s Hamartia is pride, hastiness and anger leading him to make unfortunate misjudgements. For Macbeth, it was his pride and greed. For Richard II, it is his irresoluteness, unwillingness to confront the changing situations. For King Lear it is his inability to strike a balance between his volatile temperament and arrogance. Hamlet’s faltering judgment and Othello’s jealousy. This Hamartia is built into the Hero’s character, even as he has many virtues.  The right type of the tragic hero, according to Aristotle, exists between these extremes, a person who is neither perfect in virtue and justice, nor one who falls into misfortune through vice and depravity, but by some error or frailty (Hamartia) Unlike, a villainous person, his downfall, does not arouse either pity or fear. Hamartia in its broadened context include: Chance, accident, circumstances, and the craftiness of others. Hamartia is not just a flaw in character; but an entire gamut of tragic happenings.

On one hand there are several instances of corporate scams and shenanigans that have led to the downfall of many Corporate Leaders, some who have  served time in prison, and some under who investigation is in progress. Some have fled the country to escape retribution. They hardly arouse pity or fear, although at one point they led ‘king size’ lives, were celebrities and walked proudly in the corridors of power.

In Indian tradition, the role of a leader is to be a Rajshri, a combination of king and a Rishi. When he serves his duty zealously, but forgets to be inclusive and all embracing, he is potentially, exposing his personal Hamartia, with hubris bound to follow leading to nemesis.

I will stop here. Are you able to spot Corporate leaders with Hamartia?

Thursday 3 September 2020

Why the Study of Humans is different?



I have spent over 30 years in the field of HR and involved with Human Process workshops over 20 years. Herein are my reflections on distinctive nature of the function and extended to humans in general.



Unlike most functions, HR does not have a unified coded theory that allows guidance to what one needs to do when influencing and impacting people. It borrows eclectically from many fields: Psychology, Sociology and also from sciences: Maths, Finance (black scholes for ESOP’s) Industrial Engineering, Neuroscience (incentives for manufacturing), etc. It does have a set of rules around compensation benchmarking, and principles around OD designs and learning interventions, but at broad principle levels only.

Not that I am saying, this is a setback. Not at all. It is for this reason that it is fascinating.

Unlike Science which is causal and can be verified by experiments, people practice is different: it is an Art, in service of Business and a Craft – one needs to learn the ABC’s.If you read, 7-8 chapters of any text book, the subsequent chapters become easier. That’s because once a good foundation has been established, subsequent chapters become easier to follow and relate to.

In HR, or to be more broader, in the study of human process, subsequent studies gets even more complex, more astounding, even bewildering at times. In behavioural science as you go deeper, newer insights emerge. I am amused when some amateur Leader remarks, “people are simple: either this or that, or to be seen, by this X axis and that Y axis, as if one or other quadrant make up the entire world. Even worriedly, when someone says, ‘I am an ENTJ (MBTI Type) and he is and ISFP, etc. Interestingly, some even use MBTI as a basis to hire people, the ultimate abomination of ignorance.

Models are akin to maps. The map is not the territory. The maps can be a mere sketch or highly detailed, and as you go deeper, the embellishment is awesome in what unfolds, as if every texture, tone, dimension and element unfold to the keen eye. Almost like Dhyana (full concentration) and Dharana (contemplation) when they come together provides for a wider perspective. In a highly structured analytical world, demand is placed on causality: do this, and the expected phenomena is observed. Every effect has a cause. Not so with human beings, who do not respond to causality. Science is great for interrogation of the material world, but not for the inner world of discovery.

Human behaviour is a function F (I, C), where behaviour is a function of the identity and Self in the location or role. The interaction of these four create multiple forces that enable creative forces, or which leads to mortgage. Identity and its movement, through ‘being and becoming’ is the play of the private self and the public self, while location and roles offers resonance and dissonance and often normativeness around role taking, prescribed by self (thru self injunctions) or by community (a kind of Social Mirror).

As a result no two individuals feel alike, think or act alike. Yet, at the gestalt of all evocations, one sees an array of similar emotions: love, disgust, joy, but the tone, notes, and context, and intensity varies. For example, a woman who discovers her husband is having an affair may not necessarily respond with the expected “ feeling betrayed”, as a large segment would obviously do. A plethora of possible responses can also exist:
Good for him, off my back.
I’ll do the same and get my revenge
That poor thing (referring to the new girlfriend)
I could not care. I like the comfort I am in, so it’s cool

And so on….

The point is, there is no causality: were it so, it would be a science. It would be predictable, made repeatable and lend itself to correlates of validity and reliability quantification.

Another interesting dimension of the world of Human Process study is that learning happens when the events happen: there is no prefix or suffix. The prefix or preface does not accurately reflect the phenomena ahead, nor can the suffix, be the real experience of the event. At best it would be a ‘remembered memory’ not the ‘experienced memory’. Daniel Kahneman, writes quite a bit on this for those interested. All we can recall is the remembered memory, and not the actual experience itself.

Learning takes place within the gestalt of the phenomena. The micro, macro and alter ego looms largely and ever present, exorcising its will over the event. This is the psychodrama, often exaggerated by the ‘shadow’ of the protagonist.

At a phenomenological level multiple substratum’s emerge: initially defined as a problem (eg ‘I am stressed’), seen at the interpersonal level “I have a problem with my boss’), then reflectively, emerges the intra-personal level of self-introjects (‘I can see a pattern of my behaviour as to how I respond to authority’), introjections , splits and projection, of transference and counter transference.

At a intra psychic level (both a sum of personal and collective unconscious), one comes to gain insight of one’s own perceptual filters, and sees the canvas in quite a different way: the observed is the observer himself. Else, there is no observation.

Even deeper is the intra-existential level, the Atmic self; the ‘Brahmi Sthithi’, the true intelligence of the self that sees beyond the absorptive nature of the senses, that is beyond attachment, desire, anger, bewilderment and ignorance and wherein misery awakens. (refer Bhagwad Gita for more on this). Thus, there are multiple depths of exploration.

No two individuals are alike: there is no comparison possible: no better or worse. Each is unique, so how do you compare two unique things – on what parameters? The choice of the criteria’s itself is subjective bias: that is the fallacy. Yet we are always comparing, contrasting, role modelling, aligning with….

No wonder Socrates said, ALL I KNOW IS THAT I KNOW NOTHING.

Please join in and Comment

Wednesday 2 September 2020

Quo Vadis?

What is common to humans with other living creatures?

We are common in that we have a desire to Express and Relate. What distinguishes us significantly from most primates is that we have a well-developed neo-cortex, that allows us to reflect ‘back’, and imagine our world Forward, envisioning our future, our possibilities. With this ability for self-reflexivity and imagination, we cannot just see ‘objects’ out there, but we can work with abstractions, imagined worlds, and imagined ideas.

We have compelled our environment to bend before the power of our minds: the discovery and use of fire, the wheel, the steam engine, printing press, the logic of digital ‘0 and 1’ to further AI, neural networks. We see further, and mysteries bend before our persistent gaze. We now have the capacity to explain our world in mathematical equations that would not take even two pages. This has made us proud.

We live in an age of compelling ‘ideas’ which has gripped our imagination. We have found ways to connect and engage with our ideas. We have discovered ways to connect both with ‘head and heart’ and even join in ‘concerted action’.

The future will allow us to take even further leaps: to co-create on ideas, and to combine thinking, feeling and action. If I know what you are thinking, feeling and modes of acting and you know mine, it would be possible to ‘connect us two’ – to create a third force. I am intrigued that married couples after decades of marriage almost seem to ‘think, feel and act’ almost alike, a kind of synchronicity, if you like. Neuro scientist have already discovered that we have empathy ‘mirror neurons’  that help us stay connected with each other. Despite all the selectively ‘violent’ reports we hear on media of looting, arson, riots, during a crisis, the fact is that humans are primed to act with reciprocity (Caldini / Peter Bloom) and we have a moral and ethical mental structure that allows us to help out each other. In other words, we are a ‘relational and connected world’ and we wish to find commune, both physically and in terms of well-being. Like hedgehogs on a cold wintry night, we huddle for ‘touch’ yet when we come two close get hurt with the ‘spines’ and keep a ‘safe distance’ as well. Our world vacillates between Existential Aloneness and Existential Connectedness.The first step would lie in our evolving to 'CyberHumans'.

We wish to be distinctive from the other, but when we do, we end up comparing: failing to realise, we are unique – that there is no one like us. The world then becomes an Arena and a means to demonstrate our prowess. When we live in communes, we feel stifled and restless, and find the commune suppressing, and we wish to break out – find our freedom. This pendulum swing back and forth – to be a part of and be apart, is characteristic of our times.  

Yesterday, in my article ‘What lies beneath’ I referred to collective unconscious. We are in the age of what Fromm would describe as Social Character, which is Collective Consciousness.  In another article, a day earlier, I referred to ‘East meeting West’ as it is now at a point, when from both sides one discovers – the unknown and starts to grasp at the possibility, that somethings will be unknowable.  

These COVID times have reminded us, that we were the VIRUS that was spreading, destroying our planet. It was nature’s way of resetting the balance.  For many, who have not lost themselves in ‘planned and unplanned zoom calls, webinars’, the uncertainty has allowed us the time and space to reflect on our lives, our livelihood, our relationships, and what is the real source of our joy.  

I aver from our current world of globalisation, the inevitable next step would be polarisation (building firewalls around roles and boundaries for ourselves, however, in some form slowed down, yet on the other hand enabled by digitalisation), leading to alliances for mutual performance and achievement. From there to ‘connecting with meaningfulness and shared intimacy. From there a leap….into holding simultaneity and  multiplicity, but that is for another post.

I  wholeheartedly welcome your comments. Please do join me.  


Friday 24 July 2020

What lies beneath?



We feel proud that we have unravelled the mysteries of the smallest matter and can explain the laws of the Universe. Yet, the ‘mystery’ of Self within remains elusive. Yet, most of our actions are driven unconsciously. Carl Jung said: “Men’s task is to become conscious of the content that press upward from the unconscious.” The Unconscious is that part of the mind which is inaccessible to the conscious mind but which effects behaviour and emotions. That’s so with the Individual mind – the the Personal Unconscious.


Is there something as a Collective Unconscious? Carl Jung avers that this is the aspect of mind that is not shaped by experience but genetically inherited and common to mankind – something akin to an inherited hard disk. According to Jung, they contain archetypes or universal primordial images and ideas. One form of ‘awareness’ of the collective unconscious is through our dreams, and explored through the design of ‘Social Dreaming Matrix’.


For a nation, the ‘Kaal’ (time), ‘Desh’ (region) and ‘Patra’ (the inherent characteristics) influence the ‘Conscious and the Personal Unconscious as also the Collective Unconscious’. Therefore, it is not just our experience, but the ‘hard disk’ as well that became the ‘ground for how we ‘Think, Feel and Act’.


Through exploration in Human Process Labs and Group Relations Conferences, I have discovered these insights for myself:


1. Collective Conscious is a reality.


2. We unconsciously carry ‘past baggage’


3. I do not see it, does not mean it does not exist.


4. What I see, also what I choose NOT to see, is significant.


5. There is no ‘slip of tongue’ or ‘forgetting’ or ‘coincidence’.


6. Insights come laced as ‘finished products’ yet also contain with it messiness.


7. Our narrative of ourselves or the other can shape ‘group think’.


8. Not just intergroup exploration, but systems level exploration is to be explored.


9. We feel we are being objective yet is always judgement and assessment.


10. Hierarchy exists in the mind.


11. Not just the other, the self can also cause itself to be ‘othered’.


12. Conflict does not have to be scary.


13. Aggression can be explicit, or covert as in ‘holding back and being silent’.


14. Being silent, can impact me and the other.


15. In staying silent, not confirming our ‘Ayes’ or ‘Nays’ we are unconsciously colluding with the system.


Dear Reader, I would love to hear your reflections to this article and any incidents or comments you may wish to share.

Friday 10 July 2020

Will East meet West?




Swami Chinmayananda explains three universal laws which I guess those with a scientific mind would agree with

· Every effect is on account of a cause

· The effect is the cause itself in different forms

· If one removes the cause, there is nothing that remains

What is Consciousness?

Consciousness, the state of being aware, is a least understood phenomenon. The dominant western thought is that biology and chemistry combine to create the inexplicable awareness, an emergence if you like. There is much to be considered for this line of thinking, the parts are never great than the whole (Holonic principles), and emergence creates ‘new’ forms, that defy logic, as can be seen in neural networks.

Quantum Mechanics and multi-universe have eroded the notion, long popular that the world is material. On one side you have the inflation theory and ‘big bang’ to explain the origins, on the other Michio Kaku firmly believes unwaveringly on String Field theory.

The study of black holes and singularity confirm that ‘total information’ is never lost. While we have discovered and confirmed the Higg’s boson, we are disappointed nothing else was found!

This brings us to the startling fact: What we see is not what is. Mind you, It is not false or a deception – it is illusory. Akin to mistaking a rope for a snake.

What we are discovering…thru Science

If quantum mechanics is to be believed, then the observer himself is entangled with the observation. Jiddu K, shared, ‘The observed is the observer’. It is believed that all (‘particles’ exist when observed, but are waves when unobserved) are in superpositions. In order words, they have the dual property of ‘exist/non-exist’ (Schrodinger), and each (there are exceptions) has a unique spin (one aspect). In the double slit experiment, the Copenhagen experiment explains ‘wave collapse’ when measurement occurs, and in their potential state are infinite possibilities. For it is a fact that the observer is also entangled with the observed world.

They take on mass with acceleration, given their energy potential as Einstein famously clarified – E=MC2 . No doubt, Einstein was troubled with the issue of non-locality (wherein one state knows the other, even if separated by large distances or time). While Einstein alluded to ‘space time’ being warped, he confirmed that both were illusions.

Where I am going with this is that quantum processing generates physical events and ‘illusionary’ reality with the physical world just being an interface.

Thus at both levels: micro and macro as we peek we recognise that there are unknowns that can be known, but there exists too, the unknowable. I am fascinated with ‘existing knowledge giving way’ – like Euclid to Newton, to Einstein to Quantum, even as we search for the Holy Grail – the Grand Unified Theory.

Thus, some truths (or at least knowable truths) are made true by the abstract structure of the world, the pattern in which fundamental properties and relations are instantiated by fundamental particulars, irrespective of the identity of the properties, relations, and particulars. Haecceitism argues properties have a primitive identity – a ‘thisness’. Again, quidditism argues that the fundamental properties are ‘quiddities’ (or suchness).

Do I understand all this?

No one real does….’Nobody understands (quantum mechanics)’ said Richard Feynman. I am excited with modern scrutiny by science: West started with matter, and discover, matter does not exist in the form we think. East started with Consciousness. Kipling will be proven wrong once again – on ‘The East is east and West is west….never shall the twain meet’

East has clarified on brahman (ultimate reality), maya (illusion), trigunas (basic primary particles that constitutes all. With mooldhara (complete balance disturbed), Prakriti (Energy) enjoins with Purush (inert) to create its 24 evolutes. The fundamental difference is that Consciousness precedes all, Not an outcome of.

Sabda, according to Nyaya philosophy are drstartha (perceptible objects) and adrstartha (imperceptible objects). Indian philosophy explored realms both of the physical and metaphysical worlds. Indian science has excelled in all areas thousands of years before the West grasped this. She invented the Number system, the Zero was invented by Aryabhatta and the decimal system in 100 BC. In the 5th Centaury Bhaskaracharya correctly calculated time taken for earth to orbit the sun. Gravitation was known before Newton. The value of pi was first calculated by Budhayana, who went on to explain the now well-known Pythagorean Theorem. Algebra, Trigonometry and Calculus from Sridharacharya in the 11th centaury. Ayurveda, is the earliest school of medicine known to humans, consolidated by Charaka 2500 years ago. Surgery was introduced by Sushruta 2600 years ago. Navigation, originating from the Sanskrit word, Navgatih, originated from sea travel across the Sindhu river.

The first university was established in Takshashila in 700 BC, and students included those from other countries as well. Sanskrit, originating in India, is the mother of all European languages All of this has been possible, as India had a matured civilisation in the Harappan culture in the Sindhu valley 5000 years ago, while most cultures in the world were still nomads and forest dwellers. More recently India was the 4th country to almost land a vehicle on moon.

Why East has not delved on the brain?

I have often wondered why no emphasis in East over 7000 years explaining the brain (neuroscience) in great details. Our Sages simply treated the brain as a ‘device’ – a room, if you like to enter and jump out thru a window. It was at best a launchpad. No need to spend time to examine the ‘room’ describe it, arrange it, categorise it, that was simply not the point. Out there lay the opportunity for delving into fundamental science. Through Dharana (concentration) Dhyana (contemplation) Samadhi (dissolution). Patanjali writes with the precision of a scientist. He does not form hypothesis, he states facts you will experience. He writes for many ‘minds’, each of the chapter will have a different appeal to different temperaments. He assures that the ‘science of the material world’ would also be available, but that’s not the point to. His goal is to guide you to ultimate dissolution – being one with reality.

Winding down….

Back to Swami Chinmayananda: who clarifies that the manifest arises from a universal source, ie Consciousness, that is singular, all that exists is the plurality of the source itself, and it is life itself (read energy force) that creates all, which once removed renders the effects non-existent.

I hope dear reader this article has created a curiosity in you on the wonder of Science and Spirituality. I hope you will explore this yourself more fully.

The outer world lends itself to Science, the inner world to search through Yogic means. In the end, we strive towards one thing: to discover the grandeur!

Thursday 9 July 2020

How Society Shapes Our Behaviour



Social Construction of Behaviour – impact of Kaal(time), Desh(region) and Context

For millennials, humans have lived in tribes, communities and societies. Their behaviour has been evolved to best support their survival, against predators – both animals and other tribes, for resources, and for better reproductive success.

Ethologist Michael Chance, studies higher primates and humans and describes two basic modes in which a community is organised and the resultant social interaction: Agonic and Hedonic. Read through the next two paragraphs to determine where do you Indian-ness leans towards?

The Agonic (with anchor in Power) mode is based upon the collective’s perception and experience of threat, power and anxiety, and the group is essentially a source of defence against external threat, call it in-group / out-group. (Apna/Paraya).The intra-group relations are marked by mutual defensiveness and the group has to develop ways to ensure that hostilities are controlled and contained. This could also include submission or appeasement. This would be basis the assessment of the adversary and their ‘relative holding potential’ compared to their own. This results in the creation of the pecking order, compliance and threat of punishment. The bonding is an alliance against a potential enemy. All relationships are determined by the relative positions of people in the hierarchy.

Consequently, the group is organised hierarchically around that individual who has the maximum fighting capability and the intra-group relations are marked by mutual defensiveness. Thus aggression is a valued attribute, and would determine the status and entitlements. Leaders here are expected to be decisive, lead from the front, and courageous.

The Hedonic (with anchor in prestige) mode is based upon playful catching up of attention, prestige and mutual support. Consequently, the focus shifts from negative attention (being potentially harmful) to positive attention (being competent and potentially helpful).Qualities that would enhance social approval such as beauty, intelligence, talents, special skills would be held in higher esteem. The group is seen as a source of mutual confidence and the intra-group relations are marked by interdependency, rather than defensiveness. These communities are characterised by ‘egalitarian values’ – it is more affectional. Maximising positive attention is the goal here. Intimacy, personal relationships are encouraged, and aggression is discouraged in this mode. Focus is on harmony instead, and good relationships. In somewhat similar vein, Gert Hofstede*1 refers to this as ‘Masculine and Feminine Cultures’ and confirms India is moderate on Masculine (the elaboration of which is another post by itself :)). Leaders get pay-off in 'giving/gifting' as such acts earn him a reputation of being good.

Such groups are organised around the individual who has maximum prestige which is derived either through altruistic acts or demonstration of superior skills. The leader is one who emerges with the maximum prestige, which is acquired by acts of altruism or through demonstration of a superior skill. Leaders value dialogue, consensus, and harmony. Much time is spent on building alignment.

Quiz: So what mode does India lean towards?

To cut to the chase, Ashok Malhotra basis his EUM empirical research says that the data (on Indian Managers) reveals that “My inclination is towards hedonic mode, and hence the best I can do to survive and prosper is to modify myself and embrace the agonic mode”*2.

You can readily appreciate that one aspect of India is a ‘collage’ of both traditional and modern influences. There are two simultaneous modes operating in India: primary axis 'relational' and secondary 'competitive' influenced by western education, and 'aping' the west. These create dilemmas in managing polarities, contradictions, and paradoxes. Also, there is 'No one India' - it differs from regions, to class, and income levels. Also, depending on which 'varna' one identifies with, how one is expected to behave in situations may also vary. At Corporate level, the Nurturant Task Leader, or 'Karta' is the most accepted and effective mode. I argue that the 'recommended western leadership models' from the West do NOT work in India, (a subject for another post).

There are several other facets of Indian-ness. Do share if you have found this useful and I will be encouraged to build on other aspects of the dualities, polarities, and paradoxes that constitutes the Indian culture.

Please Like, Comment or Share.

Citations: *1https://www.andrews.edu/~tidwell/bsad560/HofstedeMasculinity.html

*2 Ashok Malhotra, Indian Managers and Organisations – Boons and burdens, Routledge, page 183

Leadership in Crisis



In the story of ‘Odyssey’ one learns about Odysseus is shipwrecked and marooned, while powerful young men in his community back home, run riot in gluttonous, unrestrained and wanton behaviour. The story steers to an undeniable fact, that the quality of life in a human community (and this includes business organisations) depends on the quality of its leaders.

In a democratic world (which includes Business Organisations owned by shareholders) we have the responsibility to choose our leaders with care. We should stay vigilant to ‘camera facing’ leaders who are adroit at managing their ‘charisma’ even while paying scant attention to their leadership style.

In Indian tradition, there was a Yuga (a period) when no leader (king) was necessary. However, when ‘evil forces’ grew, Indra was selected by the Devas to lead them – the first King. What followed, was the coding of Dharma. In today’s time, with our world losing its way to ineffective leadership in crisis, plummeting into dubious practices, and some outright scams and financial impropriety, now more than ever before is the need for the emergence of the Corporate Rishi – a ‘Rajarshi’ Leadership style for our times.

Rajarshi leadership style has been advocated in Indian thought for centuries. The modern mind is too egoistic to admits it illness. Modern day leadership styles and definitions flow largely from Academia, researched with WEIRD participants (western educated, industrialised nations, rich and democratic), which by itself is non-inclusive and undemocratic. Worse still, the notion, ‘sauce for the goose, must be sauce for the gander’ and its belief that it has universal application. We seem to be headed on a slippery slope of ‘technological advancement, with diminishing consciousness’.

All is fair in love and war, is not a mode for Rajarshi Leadership. Our own tradition offer us insights on Appadharma in times of crisis and emergency as well. In a crisis, we need to be even more guarded to protect a few citadels.

For one, Values stand out the most. I applaud a few companies who have gone out of their way to do what is right (increments, continued focus on training, etc) while the majority have responded to the imperatives: down-sizing, lay-offs, work beyond office hours, etc.

The espoused ‘we value our people’ flies against the practiced and the experienced. Employees are ‘burning out’ at home, working longer, are far more stressed, while bosses continue to intrude and violate boundaries of personal time. In some states, even the authorities have colluded to ‘suspend’ labour laws, rather than intelligently modify them. When one suspends the social contract (especially legal contracts), both sides act ‘lawlessly’.

When there are ‘no rights and duties’ from both sides it gives way to use of power, and legitimate authority is undermined. Indeed it is said that ‘The wise build bridges, the foolish build dams’. I leave you to judge which category of actions determine your behaviour as a leader.

The time now is for an Organisation (as a community) to show its humane face, sensitivity, compassion and care. In this leadership is crucial to steer towards the North Star, a code of unflinching principles and values, despite everything. Adaptability is enhanced when there are ‘core’ principles rather than hampered by it. We expect Individuals to get on with their ‘leadership development’ hoping that transformation will emerge from this, yet fail to provide the scaffold to support the transformation within the organisation. The reason that SEALs and other fighting forces (always working in crisis) are so successful, because they train to do just three things: Move, Shoot, Communicate, and they spend a lifetime skilling themselves in all art forms of these. They are individually brilliant, but they hunt in packs! That’s the difference. How can leadership provide the inspiration to ‘fight in formation’ during a crisis? For me, I see new warriors - and they are actually quite different to the folks in black suits! I see warriors in everyday places, in different shapes and sizes who act with leadership. May the tribe increase!

What we need now is humility, compassion, and a newer kind of response. The ‘normal’ has changed. It would be helpful for leaders to remember, that ‘normal leadership’ will be irrelevant to our current times. I am hoping we act as trustees to leave a richer legacy for those that follow us. For each of us, we will be remembered for not just what we did, but what we failed to do.

Tuesday 7 July 2020

The Illusion of the Self




Who are you?

These Covid days have left me reflecting on the question.

All responses to the first inevitably relate to ‘my possessions’ (such as titles,), my ‘labelling of myself’ through reductionism (intelligent, funny, sensitive) or in ‘relationship’ terms in society(father, son, spouse, Consultant, etc). In some regions, with leanings more towards Individualism or collectives, the descriptors are more ‘individualistic’ and in others more ‘relational’. Are these responses truly responding to Who are You, or, What are You? It seems the latter, as these are our ‘attachments’(in Indian philosophy) or our ‘identification’ (as Gurdjieff calls it) or ‘Identity’ or Personality as the West would call it.

Many years ago I attended a three day ‘Art of Living’ and we worked in pairs, each one taking turns to respond to this one question: Who are you? repeated once again after every response. It became clear, that I was subsisting, my notion of What I am, to offer a responses to “Who am I’. In a ten day Vipassana programme, I came to an awareness, that I am not just my body, nor am I my thought. Both are identified by me as ‘I’. The wisest of Indian sages, maharishi Ramana, has advised, ‘Simply ask the question, Who is asking, Who am I?’

In a world, so filled with etching out an existence, combating innumerable adversities and challenges, we experience what Buddha calls ‘Dukkha’ (or sadness). One sees the world in one which when you delve deeper springs up with existential aloneness. There seems to be no release from this ‘existential pain or angst’ that always confronts us.

Some more fortunate to reflect ask themselves: What is the meaning of Life, what is my purpose? Does being born, offer me a purpose for my existence. Who is there to respond to this question? With our birth to a family, region, one is usually provided a 'religion' as well.

We chase after ‘solutions’ and are offered a ‘belief system’ in return. Each of these belief systems (call it Religion if you like or a spiritual philosophy) have a dogged conviction, that it has discovered the Truth (the Holy Grail). One would claim, that “I am the Way, I am the Light’ another ‘There is no god, but God’ or another may claim, “I am That’. Often unsatisfied with one ‘belief system’ we switch to another. For in a belief, the truth is not known: it is to be believed. You are reading this post: that is ‘known’ to you, but you have to believe or have belief in something, of which you are unsure. This includes a belief in God, in Life after death, and so have you. It is a belief.

Some belief systems would have you ‘enhance the self’ – to work on your SELF, (an Ego if you like with moral and conscience) so that you are a ‘responsible citizen. It holds the assumption that if Man was left to himself, ‘natural forces’ would unleash itself, as Hobbes would share that would create jungle like chaos. Thus, Social and Moral laws and Governance is a must.

Some belief system rejects the SELF, and wishes for it to be dissolved. It holds the notion that Ahamkara (the ego) needs to be dissolved with the viveka of Buddhi, to get in touch with a Mahat (intelligence) the ‘first born’ of the co-joining of Purush (inert) and Prakriti (dynamic energy) to recognise that we are finally, divinity and part of the cosmic Brahman (Sankhya Philosophy).

This tradition rejects the notion of the western concept of Self, and confirms that true reality is not possible because of Avidya (ignorance) of failing to recognise the transitionary nature of life: Asmita (ego), raga (attachment), Dvesha (aversion) and Abhinivesh (fear of death). True bliss is when one is in touch with Sat(truth) Chit Ananda – the ultimate bliss of self. In the absence of this, there is suffering and pain.

There are many other schools of philosophy..... and 'pundits, priests, and God-Men' to explain this to you.

Replete in any school is the striving to move away from ‘suffering, and pain’ and seek ‘happiness’. Some seek it in materialism, some spiritually. With so many philosophies, which one steers to the truth? Indian philosophy avers that “The Truth is One, but the Wise speak of it in many ways’. What is Truth was a rhetorical question Pontius Pilate asked of Christ, and promptly then condemned him to be crucified.

What is Truth is a question that has been on our lips, and our thoughts over the millennial of man’s existence.

It is the right for each one of us to choose a philosophy by which we affirm our being and our lifestyle, even if it includes ‘Carvaka’ (Atheism) , Monotheism or Polytheism.  Any path will do as long as one is steadfast. For this, we also have to ‘live’ with the others ‘right to choose’ else we may label them as infidels, heretics, non-believers, and sinners.

Comparison of one with another is like a game of cricket and baseball: there are many similarities, but so what? They are two different games. So why compare? In the end, each one of us have the responsibility to journey on our own, within, to explore our notion of Truth. For most, the ‘busyness’ of life is more important and these questions seem interesting, but not practical. 

Monday 6 July 2020

It takes just one story to create interest





The Art of War is a 5th-century BCE military treatise written by the Chinese strategist Sun-Tzu. Covering all aspects of warfare, it seeks to advise commanders on how to prepare, mobilise, attack, defend, and treat the vanquished. It is one of the best books I have read.

It takes one story to create an interest in a book. Here goes:

Ho Lu, King of Wu was intrigued with Sun Tzu’s ART OF WAR and they met. The King said to him: “I have carefully read your 13 chapters. May I submit your theory of managing soldiers to a slight test?” Sun Tzu agreed. Ho Lu asked: “May the test be applied to women?” Yes, You may, said Sun Tzu.

180 ladies were summoned out of the Palace. Sun Tzu divided them into two companies, and placed one of the King’s favourite concubines at the head of each. He then bade them all take spears in their hands, and addressed them thus: “I presume you know the difference between front and back, right hand and left hand?” The girls replied: Yes.

Sun Tzu went on: “When I say “Eyes front,” you must look straight ahead. When I say “Left turn,” you must face towards your left hand. When I say “Right turn,” you must face towards your right hand. When I say “About turn,” you must face right round towards your back.”

Again the girls assented. The words of command having been thus explained, he set up the halberds and battle-axes in order to begin the drill. Then, to the sound of drums, he gave the order “Right turn.” But the girls only burst out laughing. Sun Tzu said: “If words of command are not clear and distinct, if orders are not thoroughly understood, then the general is to blame.”

So he started drilling them again, and this time gave the order “Left turn,” whereupon the girls once more burst into fits of laughter. Sun Tzu: “If words of command are not clear and distinct, if orders are not thoroughly understood, the general is to blame. But if his orders ARE clear, and the soldiers nevertheless disobey, then it is the fault of their officers.”

So saying, he ordered the leaders of the two companies to be beheaded. Now the king of Wu was watching the scene from the top of a raised pavilion; and when he saw that his favourite concubines were about to be executed, he was greatly alarmed and hurriedly sent down the following message: “We are now quite satisfied as to our general’s ability to handle troops. If we are bereft of these two concubines, our meat and drink will lose their savour. It is our wish that they shall not be beheaded.”

Sun Tzu replied: “Having once received His Majesty’s commission to be the general of his forces, there are certain commands of His Majesty which, acting in that capacity, I am unable to accept.”

Accordingly, he had the two leaders beheaded, and straightway installed the pair next in order as leaders in their place. When this had been done, the drum was sounded for the drill once more; and the girls went through all the evolutions, turning to the right or to the left, marching ahead or wheeling back, kneeling or standing, with perfect accuracy and precision, not venturing to utter a sound. Then Sun Tzu sent a messenger to the King saying: “Your soldiers, Sire, are now properly drilled and disciplined, and ready for your majesty’s inspection. They can be put to any use that their sovereign may desire; bid them go through fire and water, and they will not disobey.”

But the King replied: “Let our general cease drilling and return to camp. As for us, we have no wish to come down and inspect the troops.”

Thereupon Sun Tzu said: “The King is only fond of words, and cannot translate them into deeds.”

After that, Ho Lu saw that Sun Tzu was one who knew how to handle an army, and finally appointed him general.

Adapted from the story by Sima Qian. Would you like to read this book now?

If you like this article, do 'Comment’ or ‘Share link with friends. 

Thursday 2 July 2020

Rumi - Ask not What is Love!

On Love



Love 

Is everything
Its language is silence, not words
The bridge that connects us to the universe
A mirror to see God
It paves its own path
Beyond time and space


Love 

Is a secret that is open to all who seek
It cannot be explained
Yet when one is lit with love
All is explained 
Ask no one, What is Love
Ask this of Love itself.


Love 

Is invincible, conquers all
The mightiest sword that cuts through all
An eternal blazing fire, never abating, forever bright
is not possessive of your possessions or your senses
It only seeks you
It has only one purpose to embrace the beloved

Love 

Transforms all, It is an Alchemy, it changes all
An antidote for all poisons, Lover conquers all
Villains to saints, the dead spring to life
The greatest intoxicant
Without Love no man is alive
Your very breath

Love

Knows not good or bad, like or dislike
Love seeks the besotted, Love just is
When Love beckons, rush headlong


Love is faithful, it demands your loyalty as well
Don’t seek it. Simply Love. Nowhere to Go.
Now Here – Love is. So near, It was never lost. 
Just drop the wall within, Embrace Love

Love 

Is a journey, No beginning, no end 
It is the Alpha and the Omega
When you meet Love, you meet yourself.
Fall into Love, Surrender
Keep falling till you feel the love
For it will take you to the sky

Your only fault is to stay devoid of love in life
For when is in Love, all is Empty
Just Love is
And whatever you touch just love remains

Love 

Is that eternal glow that persists
Drink of it fully, don’t stay sober
Go mad with Love. Be reckless with Love
Share Love with abandon
Lose everything in Love


Love 

Is pure
Is everything
It is not outside 
It is within
Love is You itself


Inspired by the many verses of J.Rumi on Love. 

Wednesday 1 July 2020

Whatever is happening, happens for the best





‘Whatever is happening, happens for the best’


‘Whatever is happening, happens for the best’ is an oft repeated comment in India. There is a belief in the cosmic abundance and wisdom, and that all events, happens for a reason, be it good or bad, and even though it may seem, like a drawback, or adverse is seen through a more philosophical orientation, that it is ordained and has only positive intentionality for the spiritual you.

Birbal enquired of King Akbar. "What happened, Your Majesty?" Akbar informed him that an unfortunate accident diced his finger off. The other Ministers, unlike Birbal were still praising the king for his greatness and buttering him while Birbal said "Jo hota hai ache ke liye hota hai" (whatever happens, happens for the good.) Offended by the absence of consoling words, Akbar put him in prison. In the meanwhile Akbar appointed another Minister to take Birbal's place. As usual, Akbar went deer-hunting with his clad one fine morning. Akbar and his new found minister chased a beautiful black buck and before they could hunt him down, the deer sped away. Looking back, they realized they were separated from their army of soldiers and the two were now on themselves to find a way back home. They were trying to figure out the correct path when they were caught by a local tribe. On seeing the King, they got happy. They could sacrifice the King's body and please their deity God. Just when they were about to shred the King into pieces, they noticed his cut finger. Now a tampered body cannot be put for sacrifice. So they promptly released the king and caught the Minister instead. The Minister was killed as the sacrifice King hurried back to the palace.

On arriving his palace safely, he realized that Birbal was right in every sense. He summoned him and appointed him back. The king said to Birbal, "I now believe that everything happens for our good, as my life was saved because of the cut finger. But, what about you? How can you explain that it was good for you?" Birbal replied, "As you had put me in prison, I was not able to accompany you on your hunting trip. If I had been there with you, the tribesmen would have taken me along with you and would have definitely sacrificed me to their deity, as I do not have a cut finger!" The king was pleased with his reply, and from then on, always consulted the wise minister while making any decisions for his subjects.

The Indian mind, having a religious temperament has an instinctive faith in the divinity that lies within. He seeks within rather than out. Yet he believes that the omnipresent can manifest in an outer form or symbol as well. Ever present there is an instinct for balance and harmony, especially between the inner and outer, spiritual and secular, mundane and material. The inner spiritual urge of the Indian mind is not something exclusive, at the expense of the legitimate needs and realities of the outer life of the body and mind. It operates at all levels of Dharma, Artha, Kama and with the final goal for Moksha.

Do you subscribe to this notion as well? Do you have any incident(s) to share? Also, do you believe the pandemic has its upsides as well?

If you enjoyed reading this, do Like, Comment or Share.

Saturday 27 June 2020

Alfred Adler - On feeling Inferior


Does everyone feel inferior deep down?




This article is based on the theories of Alfred Adler (1870 - 1937), who followed Freud initially but soon separated as Adler refused to embrace the notion of ‘sexual instinct’ but never totally rejected Freudianism.

Born a Jew, he converted to Christianity. As a physician, he witnessed first-hand the suffering of wounded soldiers leading him to theorise about Gemeinschaftsgefuhl (deep seated concern for others) – social feelings. These social feelings are promoted in society, work and parenting, through cooperation, love and care.

According to Adler, each individual decides for himself, what directions their lives take – style of life. He saw Humans as one indivisible whole, with a unique pattern of behaviour – individual psychology.

The world is simple and life is simple as well.

We live in a subjective not objective world, and we give our own meaning to it. All behaviour has social meaning. In this it is psychosocial not psychosexual.

The past does not matter. We are driven by self-goals we set.

Our behaviour stems from purpose and focus on ‘present goals’ rather than the past. It provides direction for promised security, power and perfection, we anticipate and expect. Our anxieties are ‘manufactured’ to serve our ‘goals’, what Adler calls ‘teleology’.

Trauma does not exist.

Adler argues that no experience by itself is a cause for success or failure, rather it is the meanings we give to it. We have choice in meaning making. Your future is determined by your actions now. Adler talks about neurosis as an extreme reaction to shock. He argues that through courage and optimism the social interest in the neurotic can be awakened. He argues that our present determines our past (the exact opposite to Freud).

You create the emotion to support your behaviour.

Anger does not cause you to shout, rather you fabricate anger to achieve the goal of shouting to have the other person submit to you. If the phone rings, it is possible to go back to a controlled conversation, and get back to shouting post the call. Differentiate between personal anger (grudge) and indignations with society’s contradictions and injustices (righteous indignation).

We are not controlled by our emotions.

We all have the capacity to change, and the first step is ‘knowing’ and preferably through dialogue. Knowledge by itself is useless – it is accumulative.

Be Yourself, not somebody else. Focus on your own ‘potential’

Adler says focus on ‘not what one is born with’ but what use you make of your ‘equipment’. One’s personality is formed as a result of the creative power of the individual. Our personality is best reflected especially when we face difficulties.

We choose to ‘stay unhappy’ and we can choose to ‘stay happy’.

Our personality and disposition is what Adler describes as a ‘lifestyle’ – a worldview and in a sense a choice of the way one’s life should be. We prefer the comfort of our ‘lifestyle’ to Change which is scary. In a sense, one needs Courage to Change, to be Happy.

Expose the lie – ‘If only…’

These are excuses to not making a start. ‘If I Pass this exam, life will be rosy’, or ‘If I get this promotion everything will get well’.

Avoid focus on ‘symptoms’, rather ‘accept yourself’.

You may discover that your goal maybe – ‘not to hurt yourself’ caused by others.

Getting ‘hurt’ by others is an inevitable aspect of interpersonal relationships.

‘One has to live in the universe all alone’.

Adler asserts, ‘all problems are interpersonal relationship problems’.

The shadow of other people are always present in our worries.

Adler uses ‘feeling of inferiority’ to refer to one’s value judgement of oneself.

Adler argues that humans feel inferior which is necessary to allow for a ‘great upward movement’. The inferior feeling is on account of not measuring up either to society’s mirror or to one’s fictional standards. Having a shorter height by itself isn’t ‘inferior’ but the meaning one has given to it oneself. It is a subjective valuation and based on a social context. When the inferior feeling is exaggerated or internalised it becomes an inferiority complex.

Even successful people harbour ‘feelings of inferiority’…

Adler argues that everyone born enter the world as helpless beings and are in the ‘pursuit of superiority’. All human endeavour is on account of this. He argues that both inferiority and superiority are stimulants to normal healthy striving and growth. However, if one is fixated with, ‘I am not good enough’ that may lead to an inferiority complex which is wholly different. Staying with an inferiority feeling such as, ‘I am not educated, I have to work harder’ can be a desirable direction. Often the superiority complex is an exaggerated over compensation for personal weakness.

The apparent cause and effect’ is rejected by Adler.

The real cause and effect is not wishing to change or letting go the comfort of the present. Even if the current is unpleasant or has limitations. Through Courage one can strive through growth and learning.

The feeling of inferiority may lead to a ‘feeling of superiority’.

People may substitute this inadequacy by flaunting their proximity to those in power, objects of wealth, etc. They are living ‘other people’s lives’. Boasting for example is a result of a feeling of inferiority.

Even bragging about one’s misfortune is a sign of feelings of superiority…

One can often use one’s misfortune to feel special and control the other. For instance, ‘you don’t understand how I feel’ while containing some truth can also be a weapon.

One can keep moving forward, without competing with the other.

All human beings are different and unique, but are all equal. Competition may be good if the other viewed as a ‘comrade’, and it would lead to self-improvement, but that is not often the case. When we compare self to other, we end up in competition and with feelings of inferiority and superiority.

Which may lead to the notion, the world is a hostile place.

This terrifying thought urges you to keep winning as you fear failure. On closer scrutiny, you are the only one who worries about your own looks. When competition is dropped, when the other is viewed as a comrade one is released from the fear, ‘maybe I will lose’.

What has this article invoked in you? How do these views align to your own experience?

If you found this article useful, please do 'Like', 'Comment' or 'Share'

Inspired by: The Courage to be Disliked, I. Kishimi and F.Koga

Friday 19 June 2020

The Song of the Reed (Rumi)


Rumi Poem: The Song of the Reed
Opening Song of the Masnavi


[This poem is about a seekers search for his beloved, divinity]



English Translation

Listen to the reed flute tale, as it laments its pain of separation.

It says, ‘Ever since they have uprooted me from my reed-bed I have been crying
And caused both woman and man to be moved, who have since wept along my lament

I wish to repose my head on the breast of a longing heart, that too has been ripped away from their beloved, a heart torn to pieces, so that I may unburden my pain of this love.
For one who has been afflicted knows my song,  only they would understand my sadness,

Anyone who has been cut from the source, wishes to reunite,
they long dearly to return to that blissfulness.

In many gatherings, I have uttered my wailful notes, the same lament.
I consort with the unhappy and those that rejoice.
Each sought me, befriended me but for their own reasons and opinions
Each according to his fancy became friendly to me.

Yet none sought out the secrets I held within. 
Nor could they decipher the secrets behind the notes
My Body is not veiled from the Soul, nor soul from body, yet none can see the soul
For truly, the divine secrets are not separate from my cries

The eyes and ears lack the illumination of cognition
These secrets unlock to the heart, not for eyes or ears
The one who hears this is senseless. A tongue has but one customer, the ear.

The song of the reed consoles those such parted from their beloved,
The reed is a comfort to all estranged lovers. The notes tears away our veils

The song shares the tortuous bloody path
And recounts how Majnum, when separated from his beloved and Laila how his heart bled

To one who is joined to my lips and is in harmony with myself
I too like the reed would tell all that may be told

When the rose is gone (his beloved) and the garden faded (in Autumn)
You will no longer hear the nightingale’s song

But only those who are cooked in the fire of love will hear them
The sound from the reed is fire, not wind. Be that empty.
The love fire is one that inspires the flute. It is the ferment of love that completes the wine.
If you don’t have this fire,
you might as well be dead

Oh, how can the uncooked
know the majesty of the fire of love?
This reed is the friend of everyone who has been parted /separated
Who has ever seen a poison so bitter and antidote so sweet such as this. It is hurt and salve combining. Have you seen a more intimate companion and lover? That is the song of the reed.
Intimacy and longing for intimacy, one song.

All are satiated except a fish in water, and one who does not have his daily bread fails to pass his days easily.
If you meet the uncooked, the immature man
don’t sing, don’t preach
the raw will not understand the state of the ripe
Instead listen to my advice:
Say goodbye and leave

-Rumi

(the original verse was written by J. Rumi a Sufi from Iran) Translated mostly from Urdu to English. reviewed multiple versions in English as well. 

Persian

دفتر اول مثنوی

بشنو از نى چون حكايت مى‏كند
از جدايى‏ها شكايت مى‏كند
كز نيستان تا مرا ببريده‏اند
در نفيرم مرد و زن ناليده‏اند
سينه خواهم شرحه شرحه از فراق
تا بگويم شرح درد اشتياق‏
هر كسى كاو دور ماند از اصل خويش
باز جويد روزگار وصل خويش‏
من به هر جمعيتى ناالن شدم
جفت بد حاالن و خوش حاالن شدم‏
هر كسى از ظن خود شد يار من
از درون من نجست اسرار من‏
سر من از ناله‏ى من دور نيست
ليك چشم و گوش را آن نور نيست‏
تن ز جان و جان ز تن مستور نيست
ليك كس را ديد جان دستور نيست‏
آتش است اين بانگ ناى و نيست باد
هر كه اين آتش ندارد نيست باد
آتش عشق است كاندر نى فتاد
جوشش عشق است كاندر مى‏فتاد
نى حريف هر كه از يارى بريد
پرده‏هايش پرده‏هاى ما دريد
همچو نى زهرى و ترياقى كه ديد
همچو نى دمساز و مشتاقى كه ديد
نى حديث راه پر خون مى‏كند
قصه‏هاى عشق مجنون مى‏كند
محرم اين هوش جز بى‏هوش نيست
مر زبان را مشترى جز گوش نيست‏
در غم ما روزها بى‏گاه شد
روزها با سوزها همراه شد
روزها گر رفت گو رو باك نيست
تو بمان اى آن كه چون تو پاك نيست‏
هر كه جز ماهى ز آبش سير شد
هر كه بى‏روزى است روزش دير شد

Farsi



be-sh'naw în nay chûn shikâyat mê-kon-ad
az jodâ'îy-hâ hikâyat mê-kon-ad

k-az nayestân tâ ma-râ be-b'rîda-and
dar nafîr-am mard-o zan nâlîda-and

sîna khwâh-am sharHa sharHa az firâq
tâ be-gôy-am sharH-é dard-é ishtiyâq


har kasê k-ô dûr mând az aSl-é khwêsh
bâz jôy-ad rôzgâr-é waSl-é khwêsh


har kasê az Zann-é khwad shod yâr-é man
az darûn-é man na-joft asrâr-é man

sirr-é man az nâla-yé man dûr nêst
lêk chashm-o gôsh-râ ân nûr nêst

tan ze-jân-o jân ze-tan mastûr nêst
lêk kas-râ dîd-é jân dastûr nêst

âtesh-ast în bâng-é nây-o nêst bâd
har-ke în âtesh na-dâr-ad nêst bâd

âtesh-é `ishq-ast k-andar nây fotâd
jôshesh-é `ishq-ast k-andar may fotâd

nay Harîf-é har-ke az yârê bor-îd
parda-hâ-ash parda-hâ-yé mâ darîd

ham-chô nay zahrê wo tiryâqê ke dîd?
ham-cho nay dam-sâz-o mushtâqê ke dîd?

nay HadîS-é râh-é por khûn mê-kon-ad
qiSSa-hâ-yé `ishq-é majnûn mê-kon-ad

maHram-é în hôsh joz bê-hôsh nêst
mar zabân-râ mushtarê joz gôsh nêst

dar gham-é mâ rôz-hâ bê-gâh shod
rôz-hâ bâ sôz-hâ ham-râh shod

rôz-hâ gar raft gô raw bâk nêst
tô be-mân ay ân-ke chûn tô pâk nêst

har-ke joz mâhê ze-âbash sêr shod
har-ke bê-rôzî-st rôz-ash dêr shod

dar na-yâb-ad Hâl-é pokhta hêch khâm
pas sokhon kôtâh bây-ad wa 's-salâm

(mathnawi meter)