As long as the 'other' exists....

On Comparison

Freedom is not choosing one or the other on the same continuum – it is about transcending that line. 

Let's begin with a few examples:

1.     Someone feels she is happier being at home making sacrifices to her career while she attends to her loved ones.

2.     The beggar feels he is happier than the prince for he feels more content with what he has in his humble abode.

3.     Ashok feels he has no regrets working in Dubai away from home. The money is good, it pays for a good life and education for his children.

4.     Anita shares she is prefers to live by honest means, instead of doing what she see her colleagues doing: she believes they will be punished for their immoral acts.

5.     Kumar works as an independent consultant, he prefers this lifestyle, although he admits the money is lesser, and income intermittent.

6.     Andrew observes his boss, who is a workaholic: he has money, cars, travels extensively, but no work life balance. He feels his life is better; at least he gets to spend time with his family and friends.

The list of examples can go on. I am sure you have many more you could add.

Truth is that we are all in search of bliss. Bliss is not happiness, or the absence of unhappiness. Bliss is when you transcend happiness and unhappiness. When as (PD Ouspensky  writes in Fourth Way), you stop the identification with the other.

Or what we refer to as non attachment.  The only truth is that which emerges from within true knowledge or awareness) and not from outside. All scriptures point to the spiritual, there are by itself not spiritual.

Be it known that the opposites exist together: darkness and light, knowledge and ignorance, happiness and unhappiness, friend and enemies, love and hate.  Our desire for one, attracts us to its counter point. ‘Buy one, and get one free’- it seems.  All sweet moments end with grief, and in our darkest hour, we see the hopes of light ahead. This unending choice to choose ‘one’ and reject the ‘other’ is a pattern repeated through our lives. The other will not drop, it is the ‘shadow’ that lurks with us always. For it exists in the other. In the seeds of immense doubt, there exists trust; and in the seeds of immense trust there exists doubt.

Yet we go on repeating this pattern away from choicelessness, hoping fervently that the next time around, our past experiences will re-emerge with the ‘hell’ taken out. That would be our heaven. That would be when we finally arrive. Yet, time and again, the experience is re surfaced, and with its inevitable drama. We imagine that the ‘other’ has found it. He /She must be happy, we suspect. We see large signboards while driving – ‘Buy the dream house, live your fantasy’. Picture of a welcoming spouse, a swimming pool, children in parks, etc. We cough up huge amounts, borrowed from banks, pay EMI’s: yet the happiness is elusive!

We recognize at some point, we are living a story tale we were once told: do this, acquire this, strive for this and you will be happy! Our life is our Myth we live; what we Have we do not Value, and what somebody gives us, we do not appreciate, for we want it a little differently than the manner it was given.

In the examples I provide above, the ‘other’ is always present. When comparison exists, the soul is in torment. Why the comparison.  Does a river compare with a tree, a lily with a rose, a bird with a snake. There is nobody, exactly like you! There never will be. Yet the stuff that you and I and everything around us is made of exactly the same stuff. We existed before, we will exist always. Our form is what will change - just that which is manifest. 

I reason, that it is neither deny or defy, neither renounce or denounce. But to be in both: experience both in fullness and transcend. We have NOWHERE to go! All we have is NOW HERE.

I like to end by asking, are we human being with a spiritual view or a spiritual being with a human body?

Doubt and Trust - one needs the other.

To relate and to express are the two basic fundamental human needs – on people and on the environment we live in. Given man’s ability to reflect on past experiences, and make abstract and concrete generalizations, it allows him to envision his future, test new hypothesis and allows him to make new meaning, new choices, new actions, new directions, new grounds for relatedness.

As we relate / express the fundamental driver is trust. Trust is built on, ‘biology, physics and chemistry’ that we have with others. Biology – as it is organic, our mirror neurons (read more on Dr. Ramchander’s work) fire away when we are with people, alerting us to trust or mistrust. Our brains are wired for reward or punishment (David Rock). Physics, as it requires structure. The roles we play for each other steer to normative definitions of do’s and don’t’s. We assume, leaders lead, parents love, teachers, teach etc.  And finally Chemistry, where sense and intuitive data combine to forge trust or mistrust.

The ‘self’ which is us over time, through socialization and re-culturalisation becomes the identity we portray – it becomes our Personality. Interesting a persona is a mask. On the other hand, a ‘location’ we find ourselves in offers us a steer to the roles we must play. Obviously, as we occupy multiple locations at home, office, and with society, we have multiple roles we play. When some of our roles come in conflict with the self or the identity we feel anxious and mistrust.

So how do we build trust?

Trust comes from sharing: Ourselves to others and understanding the other even more deeply.  The head can never trust, and the heart can never doubt. Mind is build on duality: as long as the assumptions hold true conditional acceptance is there, when the context changes, the assumptions are no longer relevant, mistrust begins. On the other hand, the heart never doubts. It is unconditional, devoid of any conditions. It is total surrender. True trust comes easier to a young child, as it develops her mind, doubts begin to grow.

Trust comes from providing more information. If you go rappelling, much care is taken to explain the procedures, the safety briefing, etc, which instills trust.

The good news is that we are trusting by nature, yet at the same time imbued with doubt. Doubt allows a scientist to go to work, dissecting and searching for truth, trust allows him to prayer before he leaves home.

We need both doubt and trust – like both sides of a coin.

What do you think?