Thursday 27 December 2018

Happiness is self knowing itself

The source of all suffering is wanting things to be different to what they are. Our resistance is our suffering. One single thought, “I don’t like this, I wish it was that.”. The heart of suffering arises from an illusion. suffering is to the mind, what pain is to the body - a wake up call.

Our mind is the movement of consciousness – all of our senses is an activity of consciousness. Shiva, at rest; Shakti, when in movement. Our consciousness vibrates within itself, manifesting its forms, never its complete self. I can choose to be witness to my thoughts, ‘I am not this, nor that’ – neti neti. I am not my body, I am not my mind. It is not enough to see that the ‘rope is not a snake’ we need to go further. What we are, needs to see what it is! Through dhyan and dharna, one brings concentration, focus and contemplation to ‘Who am I’. This awareness of self is exploring the experience of awareness. At another level, we can move to one’s total consciousness and experience the dissolution. Recognise that the one which remains eternally is the 'watcher', through ongoing experiences, in waking, in dreaming or in sleeping. Awareness of awareness (call it consciousness if you like) is ever present. Often, when the consciousness projects of itself, the object is identified with, and one forgets that one is not the object nor identified with it. When watching a movie, the screen while being visible is forgotten, what is seen instead are the moving images. The screen is not effected by what is moving on the screen, yet all that is manifest comes off the screen. Our minds are only a dream, an imagination, a finite possibility that arises from the infinite intelligence. 
Our mind is an activity (of matter) of the entity ( if you wish to call it that) of Consciousness.  

We don’t seem to be able to give ourselves what we want, we think somebody else can. The root cause, I think is that we believe deeply that we are ‘not good enough’– we are always striving to be better! We fail to realize that we are already competent, compassionate and lovable, the way we are. 

We need to be aware that thoughts arise in you, they are not injected in you, correct? They arise in me, and dissolve in me. They exist when it appears, and it dissolves when it disappears. So, before a thought arises, there is ‘a space of no thought.’ We all have an opportunity for ‘no mind’ which is pure freedom. We either experience freedom or long for it. Being separate from our true nature, all of our actions is seeking for communion with one’s natural state. Being separate, we lose our own freedom, and with this ‘overlooking’ the self is veiled. Happiness or Bliss is a memory that is retained deep within, the finite self is compromised by beliefs and feelings superimposed onto it, which appears finite. This veiled ‘I’ longs to return to its infinite self. The ultimate aim to achieve sat chit Ananda. Happiness is absolute, within, and is not from ‘outside’. 

Ponder over the following:

1.     Expect, and you surely will be disappointed, Accept and you will experience bliss.
2.    What we seek is a myth, what we want, nobody gives, what we have, we do not value. 
3.    We share our being. There is no separateness. 
4.    The self is pure consciousness, the separate self holds experience. 

Tuesday 25 December 2018

Why is Change difficult?

Despite an overwhelming wish to change, people fail to achieve their goals. Ever wonder why?
Recently I was talking to someone who said to me, “I am aware of this, have been aware of this for several years now. The issue is not awareness. I am just not able to make the changes I wish.
This comment made me aware of the enormous amounts of time we spend on the process of making people aware of things that they need to do to change. We receive a lot of feedback, and by now most of us have a pretty good idea of what changes we need to make in ourselves. In the world of work, so much of effort is put into offering people a glimpse of themselves as seen from the eyes of others. 
I am in touch with the frustration most people experience when after careful dialogue a developmental planis pulled together with clear indicators of gaps that need to be mitigated. Then the journey ends: You are left to manage the most difficult path – towards transformation.  Some are fortunate to be assigned a coach. For most, they are virtually left to fend for themselves, with final comments “Do reach out to me, should you wish for my support.” 
Yes, there are many who still struggle to own the changes they need to make: usually such folks would put the blame on someone or something outside of themselves. There can be a tendency to blame circumstances for one’s inability to meet one’s goals. So, the first step of helping bring awareness is critical. 
As I think about making changes, the following are a few reflections:
1.   Change is Challenging – as it needs moving away from one’s comfort zone.
2.   Change is not linear – it seems like three steps forward, two steps backwards.
3.   Newton’s third law of motion seems to operate: for every force, there is an equal and opposite force operating. 
4.   We start to underestimate the quantum of effort: we start too big, fail to follow through, and give up when we face resistance. 
5.   Many of the things we wish to change are tied to our identity of who we are – changing this is unbearable and painful. 
6.   When things get difficult, we decide to give up on our goals. 
7.   Holding positive thoughts are short lived. 
I posit that in order to create transformational change, one needs to:
1.   Have a strong dissatisfaction with what is. 
2.   Hold a compelling vision of the future state
3.   Commit to the change with some clear actions, despite resistance.
4.   The new change is aligned with one’s personal purpose.
These are, if you like the four legs of a chair: all of these are required. 
So, what can help?
1.   Be sure you know the difference between having a wish and what you are willing to commit to?
2.   Once you commit, build carefully steps / infrastructure that create conditions for you to succeed. 
3.   Celebrate the milestones.
4.   Use the ’21-day rule’ – to establish habits
5.   Stay Focused. 
Let me end with this quote "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."
Dear Reader, would love to hear your reflections....


Friday 14 December 2018

The importance of Leisure

The importance of Leisure



Ironically, ‘we give up leisure in order that we may have leisure, just as we go to war, in order that we have peace”. - Aristotle

Leisure is free time away from work, household chores, eating or sleeping. A few centuries ago leisure would have been the privilege of the rich. However, leisure is more equitable these modern days. There is a famous saying, “All Work and No play make Jack a dull boy.”
Leisure refreshes us, charges our batteries to re-start our work with energy and vigor. It allows opportunities for rest, recreation and other intellectual pursuits. Sports is one activity that came from leisure time, so did music and dancing. 

One Elephant in the room, is balance work life, that we are all undergoing in today’s VUCA world. This is linked with lifestyle and an inability to balance work and leisure. What is somewhat alarming is people are unable to stay away from work. At work, they appear to be in ‘flow’ – enjoying the moment, using their skills and knowledge. Yet away from work this ‘flow’ is unavailable to them. They may choose to watch TV, try to sleep, flop around the house. In short, there is lesser capacity to recreate energy in unstructured free time. And soon, after a short period of time, they look forward to getting back to work. Honestly, these folks would hate to admit that they cannot switch way from work. 

I would like to provoke a few questions:

1. What is this lopsided focus to work, against a balance work life? 

2. What is the implication of this as we move to a world of increased digitization and automation? 

"The heresies of one period," Margaret Thatcher said, always become "the orthodoxies of
the next." The end of work as we know it will seem unthinkable - until it has happened. 

Saturday 8 December 2018

why we stay indecisive





Most of us at some point in our lives find ourselves at a crossroad. At this juncture, we find ourselves immobilized to move forward and caught in the grip of indecisiveness. We are truly in the ‘horns of dilemma’ and uncertain what next to do. Time passes inexorably slowly, doubts arise in our beliefs, and we start to believe in our doubts. This crossroad, for those who have been there, is painful, agonizing, frustrating, and erodes self-esteem.Akin to a deer caught in the headlights.  I am sure readers can identify with being in this ‘unsweet spot’, a veritable hell. What can one do?



Winston Churchill once remarked, “If you are going through hell, keep going’. Sun Tsu, in the Art of War also advises, ‘In difficult ground keep steadily on the march.’

Now given that intellectually we know that we have to ‘move on’ what then compels us to maintain status quo. 

Firstly, could it be the fear of taking responsibility. We must learn to take responsibility for choices we made and live with both the intended and unintended consequences. One needs to look at the positive side, and ask what is the worst that can happen? And this would start with identifying your fear. For what you run away from, will forever haunt. What you resist, will persist. One needs to confront one’s ghost and make it a friendly Casper.

Secondly, you could be having too many choices, and this is the paradox of choice. Research has proven that having too many choices, actually causes you to become indecisive. You need to ruthlessly prioritize, limit down the choices if you are to come to a decision. For this, having a clear set of criteria drawn up for decision making is more important than information gathering. If we are clear, about the criteria’s, then the search is confined to just information gathering around the criterions.  Now while procrastination is bad, seeking perfection is far worse. Even having 80% information is good enough. Don’t get caught with overthinking.  Make decisions that seem right to you rather than how it looks for others. Quite often, while we delay making a decision, and time flies, your indecision can result in a decision by default. You have given up your power of choice.

Indecision prevents us from living, and the resultant waste of time, stress and anxiety sabotages us from achieving our dreams and goals. In moments like this you need to trust yourself, trust your gut, your intuition. And holding self compassion for oneself. 


Sunday 2 December 2018

Night Trek - Kunti Betta

What a night trek taught me?



Three of us made plans to do a night trek to Anthagange which included a cave exploration which sounded fun. We finally trekked some place else. This article is about a few thoughts on this event.



A Shared Purpose but not Same Beliefs

Firstly, why was I doing this? We all have different reasons to want to do this trek. I for one, had just stated off on a fitness regime and wanted to ‘test myself physically’ – a night trek seemed like a good way of doing this. My two fellow travelers had all together different reasons.  KC wanted to just have an outing while VN wanted to take time off to be with herself, to unwind and come back refreshed and rejuvenated. 

Purpose evokes emotions, creates action

Having decided to trek, we requested VN, the most experienced amongst us to find an appropriate trek operator and suggest a trek commensurate with our ability. Trust was a keen component here: choice of trek, level of difficulty, and right through the process, we relied on her completely to call out ‘difficulty’ as we discussed different trek possibilities. 

The fateful day arrived and just few hours before VN called to say that the trek was being re-scheduled to the next day (not enough participants) and would that be ok. We agreed in the moment, but as we thought it through, decided there were other opportunities to pursue before we gave up and accepted this. KC shared he could not do the next evening trek. He had other commitments. So it was ‘this evening or’…some later indefinite day?

We decided on being agile: three of us got on a call and agreed to quickly check all other organizers. Time was running out, yet we calmly went about, checking out on google, calling up the organizers and determining if we three could get a last-minute entry into a trek that evening itself.  

Finally, after many wasap messages and an hour later, we landed on a trek to Kunal Betta. We re-scheduled plans for pick up point and began to look forward to meeting up and the night ahead. 

The learnings and fun is in the journey not the destination

it was adventure then every step of the way. The packing of our bags for one:with things we put in and uncertainty with what would be needed balanced with concern that we should not be carrying too much on account of the weight. Unlike a road trip, relatively speaking, you have more flexibility (size of bag) to put things in. Here, everything we needed to carry had to have a utility, a decision about its usage. Choices to be made. After all, we had to haul our own weight plus the bag!

We meet for dinner, and then walked to the pick-up bus point. During the time we were waiting, we talked about the physical and the spiritual body! It was a fascinating conversation. The bus finally came across and picked us up, other travelers as well, and we headed off to the Ramanagara campsite, where we had an opportunity to use the washroom, have a cup of tea, before heading off to the Kunti Betta Basecamp. It was pitch dark getting off the bus, and we crossed the rail track to get to the other side: we got the first taste of using torchlights to steer our way. 

Twenty minutes later, we drove off again, this trip took almost two hours, and we dozed off, trying to get as much sleep as possible. It was about 3am by the time we got to the site. 

The map is not the territory 

No matter how much you prepare and anticipate for things, it was ‘learning in the moment’ all the time. We started the initial steep climb up a rock and then it opened to rocky boulders and trees with foliage which obscured the narrow path, overgrown mostly. I was prepared to feel the onslaught of tiredness soon, but thankfully, as time passed, even though I was tired, I was feeling quite confidant to press on without a pause. A few folks were chatting all the time, but soon, as the climb became more difficult, concentration was required, and the voices died down. The trek allows you no time to think of anything else: all focus is on the path ahead, one step ahead, finding the right foothold, then the next step to find the other. And then the next step. The torch light lit the obscured path ahead, and along the way, we had to climb up larger rocks, bend sideways across two rocks or inch our way up onto a boulder. All of this required attention in the moment. I was thankful for my trekking shoes: its grip and ankle guard. For the first hour or so, we three led in the front of the pack. And as we waited for others to catch up, we were able to catch our breath, drink water, and survey the starry skies above and the neon lights of the town below. It was breathtaking, so stunningly quiet and beautiful. I was reminded then: all the better things in life are almost free! Like this moment of taking in the view. 

There is fellowship in travel


There is connection in travel. Deep connections you make with yourself and with the other. There were new parts of me I got to know about myself, and which I enjoyed knowing. I also experienced the joy of co-travelers. VN, the most experienced in treks amongst us, continuously checking out on how KC and I were doing, often lending us a strong hand to propel ourselves upwards. There is no shame in taking help, none at all. After a while I was even more determined to search for even more resilience within. The trek was challenging, at times quite tough, but I was very confident I would see this through. The past few weeks I had been gyming, and knew I had the stamina. 

KC shared much later, “What I also felt during the trek was a sense of fear of wild animals which immediately dissipated looking at the fellow trekkers. The guides themselves, looked quite inexperienced and did not really give me the confidence that they would be able to handle eventualities (which thankfully did not occur). However, the presence of VN compensated for all of that. A key insight is the trust you have on your colleague to be able to carry things off in case of any eventuality”.


The final steps

I did say the journey is the most pleasurable to the destination, but seeing the hilltop a few 100 metres ahead, was very satisfying: it was good to make it to the top, to celebrate this success. This destination is but a milestone, and that is needed to celebrate one’s life. I guess what we call destinations are but ‘pitstops’ in our lives. They propel us forward to keep walking. 

At the Top

I will let the pictures share the view we saw, but the feelings I experienced were very satisfying. I was exhausted, I could feel new muscles I did not know I had, but despite the pleasant pain, I felt so happy, so very alive. The stars above, were so beautiful, the land below dotted with lights. The evening could have been colder and windier: we were lucky. Our jackets were suitably warm. We rested and waited for daybreak, to take pictures of the sunrise, of us in light, and to then descend and make our way back home.













Thursday 15 November 2018

On route to Milford Sound, New Zealand, South Island, Queenstown














The road to Milford sound is a magnificent scenic highway that travels from the shores of lake Te Anau, across the mountains beyond, to emerge in the glacier carved splendour of Milford Sound, the focal point of Fiordland 🏞 National Park, a total trip of 242 Kms. 


We are off on the day tour to Milford Sound, on our waka (Maori expression for ‘mode of transportation’: 🚣‍♀️ or Coach) and within 45m we are into river country. On our left,  rocks on land to the left give telltale signs of an ancient river that would once have flowed across. The warm sun lazily smiles on the green land below. Green lush vegetation beholden soak it up gratefully. Cattle graze across the farmlands on both sides. Sheep 🐑 crouch down sauntering around in no particular direction. There seems all the time in the world and there appears no rush. Ahead,  two coaches lazily crisscross the country side as the third coach (ours) follow some safe distance behind.  A smooth rhythm is set as the bus eats up the kilometres ahead lazily  while gently country lyrics lull us to gentle slumber. The road signage are few and intermittent marking off road speed, cautioning a school ahead, occasionally signposting a hotel, or motel. Else otherwise, the road ahead, the sun ☀️ smiling resplendently below, rolling hills and green all around. Time almost standing still. Yellow gorse grow in wild abandon across the hillside, breaking around in a riot of colour, sometimes in sparsely clumps, and then more often across large tracts. Yellow and Green - the two awesome joyful colours of life so amazingly intertwining in an array of dazzling collage.  Eyes feast on the medley of colours brought up in shades of green and yellow. Up ahead, grey coloured gorse suddenly spurt up calling attention to itself. As I look straight ahead, multiple hills weave and interlock across each other: and then I realise that valley and hill are one: the latter create the former, giving it form, presence, grandeur. One unable to do without the other. This is a landscape presenting itself in the panoply of its beauty, hills, valley, farms, trees, bushes and all. Together it weaves the magic! 

Our lady coach driver occasionally alerts us about highlights of the land we are moving across: What diary, farming, activities are on. I learn that the focus is on diary to what used to be earlier sheep farming. From a ratio of 9:1, it’s now down to 5:1 ( sheep: people) giving way to Wales as the number 1 sheep rearing country.  The main type of sheep are merino and Romney, whose female usually give birth to twins and triplets. 

Then her voice fades off, and the gentle country music 🎶 steps in. On the road, one can see dead possum, considered to be a pest and nuisance, run over by passing cars. This is not the only one. Along the route I see many more. 

Just ahead, the plains to the right stretch out pushing the hills yonder. Clumps of trees 🌲 and bushes dot the landscape marking off fertile green farms. The sun ☀️ has warmed up things around, cajoling the shaking out of jackets and out layers of garments. The two coaches are a kilometer ahead allowing us more view of the winding roads. An occasional 🚙 SUV or camper would drive past reminding us of the two way road, else it was just us driving across. 

The gently humming of tires on tarmac, the slight rumble from side to side, the western music, and the now bright sun 🌞 outside lulling one to relax and gently doze. A few smaller cars 🚗 overtake us, stay in sight for a while, then disappear. 

And the coach chugs on. 

We pull up at Te Anau, a small village for a 30m break, grab coffee while we have breakfast we brought alongwith us then back on the coach rolling away past even more lush meadows and greens. The weather is absolutely perfect, warm and 😎 sunny as we start the descent upwards the long winding roads. We pass Kettle lake  earlier.  Lake Te Anau( the curve) lies indolent to our left carved out from a glacier. The scenery is breathtaking and awe inspiring. 

Milford Sound is actually a Fiord and 110 kms away now. Manuka honey 🍯 is what’s famous in New Zealand.  Honey is rated UMF, 5 rating being the best. 20 is for sniffles. 70 is for flu 🤧 but consumed sparsely. Manuka ‘s cousin Canuka is grown here.  I understand Manuka could be used for cuts and wounds. 

The terrain now changes from scrubs to forests. And as we proceed it gets even more dense. And the sun gets shaded out and it starts to cool off in the thickset as the road is covered by trees 🌳 as it embraces each other. 

Soon we pass this stretch and get back to the plains. Pounamu  is a sacred stone. Tapu is a generic term for ‘sacred’ and it’s placed on anything to allow for it to be protected. A tapu can be lifted as well. Tapu is a very real concept in New Zealand. More so, as the culture is pretty intertwined unlike other countries where the indigenous people (the maori) are more integrated into the mainstream. 

We are headed now into thicker forests and surrounded by hills on all sides. Tall alpine trees 🌲 raise their neck up to the mountain sky in greeting. And even above the snow line is visible marking out where snow capped hills would be decked with snow. No trees grow there. 

We now come to Fiordland national Park made up of 14 fiords. Maori ascribe this feature to PIOPIOTAHI,  a god who carved out these fiords carving out 350 islands and who now sits on 😈 devil seat. Once in 4-5 years, seeds from the hill trees drop to the ground. This creates a huge environmental issue: Rodents are a plenty and they feed off the 🦅 birds 🦢 and chicks. 

The coach stops for 5m in a glacier valley (enough time for me to smoke a cigarette 🚬) even as we take a few pictures from scenes shot from Lord of the Rings. The tree lines come down and onto the glacier valley. We are soon approaching the mirror lakes.




We stop for 5m to take pictures. 

We are at latitude 45 degrees south as the coach climbs up knobs flat. Lots of beech 🌳 trees with roots not too deep. Moss and lichen grow wild. Here tree avalanche is a definite threat when wind gusts can blow them off. A tree avalanche starts big and then comes down small, unlike a snow avalanche. It’s takes 300-400 years for those trees to grow back again to cover lost foliage. But for now shrubs stay tenant to lost ground. 

A short comfort break and we are off again. Into roads that once again are covered by thick foliage, the sun ☀️ would occasionally sneak in brightening the road from time to time. We soon approach cascade creek, the last camping ⛺️ ground on the way. Mosses grow below the forest floor and creep up the trees. Lake Gunn (named after Davey John Gunn who rescued a few aviators) is to our left now, as it follows the winding road for a few kilometers.

Soon we come up to the great divide, the place where the road construction began. Hollyford valley begins here and with great foot trails. Mount Christina path lies ahead, a trail surveyed by a student and named after her. Soon we pass Gunn camp. We slow down to take a picture of falls creek. 

We are now on the fault line (Alpine Fault) and ordernarily there is 1-2 earthquakes under 4 rietcher  scale. We are soon approaching monkey fall. Stopped over near a stream to fill up water 💦 bottles, take a few snaps and move on. The taste of the water is cool, fresh and refreshing. Took a picture of local birds 🦅 as we moved on. One can see the ice now almost a few meters high and during summers this place is dressed with multiple waterfalls. 

Milford Sounds is a world heritage site. Shortly, we pass through the Homer tunnel. Water levels here having been steadily rising providing useful insights about what other parts of the world would witness say in next 20-30 years. 

We are now at Tutoko Valley almost close to journey’s end. The moss is quite overgrown and creeping up to the branches of the 🌲 trees. Amazing greens with all sort of textures. 

We would shortly be boarding the ferry ⛴. Arthur’s valley lies to our left. An airport is close by to help tourist take a 45 m flight back. The coach journey has taken over 4 hours including all the breaks in between. 

So here we are at Milford Sound! Ready to head off to pier 5. There’s been so much written about Milford Fiord so I will just allow the pictures below to tell its own tale. 

Hope you had as much fun reading this as I had travelling this path. Cheers. 🙏





Thursday 8 November 2018

How New Zealand was born….

How New Zealand was born….






In the beginning Papa Sky and mama Earth lay close together with their children huddled together between them in darkness. Tane the god of trees and birds finally succeeded in breaking the parents embrace and pushing the sky away from the earth: the rain, the dew, and the mist are the tears that still lament even to the present day. Tawhiri, the wind god went with the father, while the rest of the gods stayed with the mother. Beneath the earth lay the underworld world of po. When the universe was arranged as per their wishes they decided to create mankind. Out of  red soil they shaped the first woman, Tane gave her breath. He mated with her and the dawn maid was born. Tane then took his daughter for wife and another daughter was born. Later she fled to the underworld and remained there when she realized the incestuous relationship. Eventually the Maori Adam was born. 




The first men and hero Maui, thought that Ra ( the sun) moved too fast, so once they (with his brothers) ensnarled him. 




One day when Maui went fishing into unknown waters, after a long struggle he fished the North Island  of New Zealand, Te Ika a Maui – the fish of the Maui – up from the deep seas. At last Maui met his match when he tried killing the great lady of the night in order to secure immortality. For years, his fish lay hidden forgotten in all the mists and storms of the great ocean of Kiwa, hidden from all men.


Wednesday 31 October 2018

Carl Rogers on Person-Centered Approach to Counselling


Carl Rogers on Person-Centered Approach to Counselling

His ideas originated in 1940. His work popularly called Rogerian, was personally disliked by the author. He would prefer Person-Centered Approachinstead. 

Roger’s posited that his experience in childhood came from a reaction to his upbringing of being unheard and being judged. He wanted to create an environment where the client felt heard, listened to and cared.
During his childhood, being exposed to his father’s farm, he began to appreciate the need for scientific enquiry and research. 

Paradoxically, his person-centered approach is the exact opposite to science. Initially, he began with Clinical Psychology. As he began to get into treatment interviews, he discovered a few new things: 

For one, he discovered that there were no ‘problem child, just problem parents’, there was a great problem with parents. He discovered working with the mother that she was ‘rejecting’ the child all the time. On deeper enquiry, the mother poured out a case history, quite different to what was shared earlier. He came to the insight that rather than show he had expertise, he should focus on deep listening and understanding the source of the pain. To continue to stay in the process with curiosity.

Soon, Carl Rogers began to articulate a few principles that were new and radical at that time.

Carl posits that the role of a counselor is to be a ‘midwife’ to the personality. He advocated the need for ‘unconditional positive regard’If one can be genuinely understanding, be oneself, listening deeply and well, that’s a deep commitment that the Coach brings to the conversation. if that situation can emerge, not forced, but deeply authentic. This is quite different than say, friendship, where the focus is on the friend. Counselling is a far more intense relationship than friendship: while friendship is valuable it is different to the sharp focus of psychotherapy.  

In group therapy, other members become facilitative as well. 

The process is somewhat the same: individuals revealing data about themselves. Instead of feeling ‘awful’ about revealing, it feels accepted. Groups tend to, given the time that they have, to bring ‘closure’. They try and commit to whatever they can do, in the time available. This social support is hugely helpful. It is to be remembered that age, backgrounds, gender make no difference to effectiveness of groups. Groups have a ‘wisdom’ that emerge naturally. Selection of group is overrated, says Roger.


A goal that most people seek to attain, the good life as described by Rogers is achieved by the person fulfilling certain principles. In his studies Rogers found that there are commonalities among those people who are fully functional. These are:
An acceptance of all experiences including those that are new.
An existential lifestyle, in which each moment is appreciated and lived to its fullest.
A trust level with one’s own decisions.
Increasing freedom of choice
Creativity and adaptability without necessarily conforming.
Reliability and constructiveness in their dealings with others.
A preference for living a rich, full life.


These traits are fluid in their expression with the person being capable of self-actualizing them.

Monday 15 October 2018

Mere awareness is not enough


Now in my second innings as an Executive Coach working with a recent client, I interrogated the question: Can people really Change? What creates permanent Change?
Here are my reflections:
Mere awareness is not enough, awakening is necessary, followed with cognitive and emotional integration. Now this awareness could come from personal evocation (as in internally located) or it could be on account of an external provocation. Either way, an awareness which seeks greater human connect is what sets off this process.
Mere awareness is not enough.
Mere awareness is not enough. Awareness (cognitive) is not enough. There needs to be an awakening! An awakening in the inner self, that once ignited, has its own movement, its own momentum to growth, with its resultant pulls and pushes. Often the awareness is held in abeyance, suppressed. Not available to the Conscious memory. When confronted with an uncomfortable situation, the protagonist with draws, tightens up, and is even absent to her feelings. She appears confused, lost, immobilised, and unable to make any movement forward. Even a simple task appears frightening, difficult to achieve, and one's confidence is at low ebb. Action is frozen.
Often the ‘Body remembers what the mind forgets’ – JL Moreno. The limbic memory may be a storehouse to repressed memories outside the access of the cortex mind. Using a spectrogram, the facilitator may encourage participant to choose location of how warmed up they might be to one theme or another. How depressed they are: High, Medium or Low, etc. It is to be understood that all emotions which are real are present in the body: it is located. It may be a pain in the chest, a constriction in the throat, etc, but the emotion is present in the body. The split off /withheld pain needs to be articulated. Locating the source of the emotion in the body is the first step.
Accessing the limbic memory
Ask, "If the pain had a voice, what would it say?" This allows bringing awareness to the body. It is necessary to support client complete the interrupted pattern between feeling and thinking and allowing for integration. Through this process Inner dialogue is encouraged, and client is encouraged and empowered to own his internal truth. One should be careful that clients ‘own words’ should be picked: no additional nor interpreted context added. Stay curious to the ‘feeling world’, what comes up, price being paid: intended and unintended. Is there are cyclical pattern to what is coming up – over and over again. A repetitive cycle, clockwork and devoid of any new alternatives. Use of doubling, and auxiliary may be introduced to aid bringing awareness. This would mean client sharing her story, the whole story, the unsaid story, the also said. The interrupted pattern needs to be completed and thought and feeling integrated wholesomely. The event must go beyond the phenomenological to traverse the interpersonal and intra psychic. At some levels, at an intra existential level universal issues such as Death, Freedom, Isolation, and Meaning may need to be dealt with.
Integration
Now this awareness would continue to remain static, dry, if it is merely contained within intellectualism. No wonder self help books, motivational speeches, are not sustainable: it is food fo the mind, intellectually stimulating, but that's all there is. Unless one is able to connect to the emotive level, true awakening is not possible. Again, awakening itself is not enough: it may remain transient and the benefits short-lived. The catharsis, that may follow, may be welcome, but it should be followed by insight and integration.  
Preventing regards, Steve -occurance
Through helping understand anticipatory feelings at the onset, managing the symptoms in the episodic event, and through cognitive re-structuring (from a negative, self-limiting belief to a more self-authoring stance) is change possible. One needs to change the personal narrative of the self.