Unless we begin to strike a conversation, building a relationship is impossible. The very basis for relationship is to make connection, even if that conversation begins with a gesture (establishing eye contact, a moment longer than usual), a deep acknowledgement (doffing one's cap), a touch (with a handshake).
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Wisely, Buddha advised his monks: stay not in the same place more than three days except in the rainy season (for practical purpose); do not beg for food (not ask, but stand and be noticed by a householder, then move away after a while), look not beyond a few yards, avoid eye contact that lingers, avoid conversations if possible. If conversation is necessary, address using terms as 'Sister, Mother" etc to women. Avoid touch, but if that is not possible, remember your deep purpose and stay in that awareness.
A famous oft repeated story: two monks were crossing a river which was in spate. A young woman who wished to cross was experiencing difficulty. Silently, the elder monk lifted her and carried her across the river than placed her on the other side and walked on. After a couple of hours, the younger monk, enquired of the older monk, "being a monk, why did you carry her?'. He replied famously, "i dropped her on the river bank long ago; it seems you are carrying her still".
For most of us, building relationships is key to how we get the most of life. A stranger becomes a friend, through conversation. Conversations are like an investment into a bank - the more you converse, the greater is the relationship you build.
In my work in HR, I have seen the power of the spoken word. When two people simply connect and each one shares how they feel in an ongoing conflict, the conversation itself clears the air. Just sharing, what I feel, and listening to the other, helps the relationship to deepen.
Relationships that are broken, is evident with the lack of communication between the two sides.
So how does one go about it. Try this:
Ask for time of the other. Choose a pleasant venue which is quiet and relaxed and no scope for interruption. State that you want all of the 30 minutes you requested. Request the other not to interrupt you, unless you finish speaking( even if you pause for a while), ensure you get that commitment verbalised before you begin. Share your feelings about a few recent events: 2- 3 facts, the context and event, what it made you 'feel' and how it impacts your relationship with the other. Continue with other 2 examples. Then sit back and keep quiet and let the other person respond. Remember: do not accuse or defuse, state your feelings. Thats all.
Try it, it might just help towards clearing the air. Mend back that relationship badly in need for repair.
Wisely, Buddha advised his monks: stay not in the same place more than three days except in the rainy season (for practical purpose); do not beg for food (not ask, but stand and be noticed by a householder, then move away after a while), look not beyond a few yards, avoid eye contact that lingers, avoid conversations if possible. If conversation is necessary, address using terms as 'Sister, Mother" etc to women. Avoid touch, but if that is not possible, remember your deep purpose and stay in that awareness.
A famous oft repeated story: two monks were crossing a river which was in spate. A young woman who wished to cross was experiencing difficulty. Silently, the elder monk lifted her and carried her across the river than placed her on the other side and walked on. After a couple of hours, the younger monk, enquired of the older monk, "being a monk, why did you carry her?'. He replied famously, "i dropped her on the river bank long ago; it seems you are carrying her still".
For most of us, building relationships is key to how we get the most of life. A stranger becomes a friend, through conversation. Conversations are like an investment into a bank - the more you converse, the greater is the relationship you build.
In my work in HR, I have seen the power of the spoken word. When two people simply connect and each one shares how they feel in an ongoing conflict, the conversation itself clears the air. Just sharing, what I feel, and listening to the other, helps the relationship to deepen.
Relationships that are broken, is evident with the lack of communication between the two sides.
So how does one go about it. Try this:
Ask for time of the other. Choose a pleasant venue which is quiet and relaxed and no scope for interruption. State that you want all of the 30 minutes you requested. Request the other not to interrupt you, unless you finish speaking( even if you pause for a while), ensure you get that commitment verbalised before you begin. Share your feelings about a few recent events: 2- 3 facts, the context and event, what it made you 'feel' and how it impacts your relationship with the other. Continue with other 2 examples. Then sit back and keep quiet and let the other person respond. Remember: do not accuse or defuse, state your feelings. Thats all.
Try it, it might just help towards clearing the air. Mend back that relationship badly in need for repair.
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Join me with your reflections, observations and perspectives. Please do share. Thanks, Steve