Handling Difficult Conversations

Handling Performance Shortfall – The Three Minute Technique

I have built the steps using the acronym ‘PREPARE & CLOSE’ for easy recall. Essentially, there are 12 steps to follow.

1. Prepare the Person

Help the person to face up to a difficult conversation. You may start by saying, “I have important but difficult news to share with you”. It’s critical that the recipient is now prepared to face up to a difficult conversation, and you want to make sure you have created the readiness to face up to what follows. Being caught abruptly with sudden news can come as a rude shock

2. Rapport and connection to be built at the outset

Do start by building personal connect. You may like to say, “I know that what I am going to share with you will be uncomfortable, even a shock. However, I do believe we need to square this off and move past this”. Ensure that the recipient receives your message with humanity and grace.

3. Establish the gap from the Expectation clearly

Ensure you provide specific details of the performance shortfall or behavior. For example, begin by saying, “You are late to work once again”.

4. Pause

Ensure you pause and wait for a response. This is a critical step. It’s not enough to land the feedback, you need to wait and elicit a response. Be comfortable with silence. Let it create the tension you need to progress things.

5. Avoid the ‘side-step’

Make sure you pay attention to any ‘side step’, a remark that seeks to divert the issue to something else (Oh Gosh, I was stuck in traffic).

6. Re-state the Expectation

State, “I need for you to be on time each day, everyday”.  If need be make sure you continue to reiterate the expected behavior, till the recipient understands this well.  He may respond now that he/she will comply with the expectations. That’s not enough. Move to the next stage.

7. Enquire what specifically he would do to bridge the gap

Ask, “ What specifically will you do to come on time to office, Andre?”. This is a very important step. You need for Andre to generate the solutions to his problem. Avoid giving suggestions or advice. He needs to generate the solution. You may wish to facilitate this process if you believe he is struggling with generating solutions. Often the person may be in an emotional bind and may not be able to clearly see through this phase. Being sympathetic is key, but its all critical that you are firm. You may say, “I know Andre that a lot of people are depending on you Andre, and we are depending on you as well. I need for you to be on time at work, each day, like everybody else”.

8. Clarify what you have heard

Say, “I hear you say that you will do xxx and xxx so that you will be on time to work each day, everyday”.

9. Listen attentively to confirm

Listen carefully to cues both verbally and non verbal to ensure there is no dissonance to what is being promised

10. Onboard the new behavior

Share in positive tone, “I am certain that by you doing xxx and xxx you will be able to turn this behavior around, and be on time each day as expected”.

11. Share your acknowledgement to his new initiative and commitment

Say, “Andre, I’m quite certain you can do this, and I have full confidence in you”.

12. Ensure Review mechanism is built in

Say, “Andre, let’s review how you are doing on this again by next week, shall we?. Cheers”.

That’s it!