Why is Change difficult?

Despite an overwhelming wish to change, people fail to achieve their goals. Ever wonder why?

Recently I was talking to someone who said to me, “I am aware of this, have been aware of this for several years now. The issue is not awareness. I am just not able to make the changes I wish.”

This comment made me aware of the enormous amounts of time we spend on the process of making people aware of things that they need to do to change. We receive a lot of feedback, and by now most of us have a pretty good idea of what changes we need to make in ourselves. In the world of work, so much of effort is put into offering people a glimpse of themselves as seen from the eyes of others. 

I am in touch with the frustration most people experience when after careful dialogue a developmental planis pulled together with clear indicators of gaps that need to be mitigated. Then the journey ends: You are left to manage the most difficult path – towards transformation.  Some are fortunate to be assigned a coach. For most, they are virtually left to fend for themselves, with final comments “Do reach out to me, should you wish for my support.” 

Yes, there are many who still struggle to own the changes they need to make: usually such folks would put the blame on someone or something outside of themselves. There can be a tendency to blame circumstances for one’s inability to meet one’s goals. So, the first step of helping bring awareness is critical. 

As I think about making changes, the following are a few reflections:

1.   Change is Challenging – as it needs moving away from one’s comfort zone.

2.   Change is not linear – it seems like three steps forward, two steps backwards.

3.   Newton’s third law of motion seems to operate: for every force, there is an equal and opposite force operating. 

4.   We start to underestimate the quantum of effort: we start too big, fail to follow through, and give up when we face resistance. 

5.   Many of the things we wish to change are tied to our identity of who we are – changing this is unbearable and painful. 

6.   When things get difficult, we decide to give up on our goals. 

7.   Holding positive thoughts are short lived. 

I posit that in order to create transformational change, one needs to:

1.   Have a strong dissatisfaction with what is. 

2.   Hold a compelling vision of the future state

3.   Commit to the change with some clear actions, despite resistance.

4.   The new change is aligned with one’s personal purpose.

These are, if you like the four legs of a chair: all of these are required. 

So, what can help?

1.   Be sure you know the difference between having a wish and what you are willing to commit to?

2.   Once you commit, build carefully steps / infrastructure that create conditions for you to succeed. 

3.   Celebrate the milestones.

4.   Use the ’21-day rule’ – to establish habits

5.   Stay Focused. 

Let me end with this quote "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference."

Dear Reader, would love to hear your reflections....